Limiting the Superheroine Potential: The Filipina, Rape, and Victim-Blaming

I had the pleasure of joining the Philippine Atheists and Agnostics Society (PATAS) last September 13 at IChill Theater for their monthly meet-up. I am not actually a member of the group (as I'm more of a deist), but since I am an outspoken advocate for rape prevention and survival and against victim blaming and a member of the Facebook page, I was invited by fellow women warrior and blogger, Doc Tess Termulo, to share my insights about this issue. This was right after I went crazy over someone's post about rape. The question accompanying a news story about a girl brutally raped and murdered?

"Sino ang may kasalanan? Yung babae o yung magulang?"

Translation: 

"Who is at fault? The woman (the victim) or the parents (of the victim)."

You can see why I went Carrie White and burned several people in the process of running amok in the FB page. The result was a 45-minute talk on rape.

I went to the IChill Theater after my teaching assistant stint for PRS' Civil Service Review, despite the rain, and despite being broke. My best friend (who should get a camera for events like this) Kris Alvarez went with me, because it's his bestfriendly duties to do so. 

The Maria Clara Effect

What is interesting is how the rape culture in the Philippines is so heavily intertwined with the culture of putting women on the pedestal. Women in the Philippines are expected to be demure, beautiful, conservative, and religious. To be honest, I have no problem with these kinds of women whatsoever. The problem happens when citizens of the Idiot Society believe that women fall outside this criteria of "desired values", then these women are not worth of respect. 

When I did a talk about Violence Against Women early this year, I showed two pictures. One was a woman dressed attractively but conservatively. The other was also an attractive woman, wearing a sexy spaghetti-strapped top which showed the top of her breasts. I asked the audience, a group of about 40 community women, "Sino ang mas ka-respe-respeto?" (Who is more respectful?). These women actually told me that the one showing her cleavage was less worthy of respect... before realizing what they said and taking it back.

Disrespecting women - punishing them - just because they do not fit society's ideals is the why rape victims are slut-shamed and blamed. 

Slut-shaming and victim-blaming are forms of punishments for women who do not conform with the standards of society. 

Theories of Rape

(WARNING: Nerd Mode. This is a summary of some of the theories of rape, found in the Harvard Law website)

To be perfectly blunt, victim-blamers are some of the least compassionate and least helpful concoction of cells I know. Honestly, did they even evolve? 

Truth is, some people say rapists and victim blamers do. There is actually a very strong support for the Biological Theory of rape. This theory states that rape has evolutionary roots. According to the Biological Theory, men rape in order to increase the chances of passing on their genes. Women have social and biological bases of turning down mates. A woman in a cultured, humane society can choose sexual partners based on her pre-set criteria. She may choose intelligent, financially-stable men over their less attractive counterparts. Men and women are also biologically-wired to find the most compatible mate. This means less sex for less desirable men. 

Unfortunately, this theory is being used by many some people to blame women who were raped. They believe that it is only natural for men to rape women, so women must not do anything to incite men's predatory nature. But then, as stated by the proponents of the this theory, "Natural isn't always good." At the end of the day, it's about what is good, not what is natural. 

In light of the nature versus nurture argument of why rape happens, another very interesting insight is the Commodification Theory of rape. This is quite applicable in the Philippines, as the country has a hypocritical culture when it comes to sex. In the commodification theory, it is stated that sex has become so commercialized. You can buy sex - in pornography and prostitution, for instance - and sex is used to sell products.

In the Philippines, many rabid conservatives equate the status of a woman's hymen to her worth. Others, however, equate sex to a marketing strategy. Yung totoo?

Proponents of the Commodification Theory proposed that since sex is looked at as a product, then the value of sex has been down-graded. Thus, stealing sex - aka rape - is seen by some people as wrong, but not as wrong as, say, stealing a Snickers bar from Mini Stop. Essentially, the  gravity of forcing oneself to someone else is lessened because sex has become something that one could have easily paid for. 

Ad experts: I'm selling beer so I need to plaster 
somebody's boobs with it! Genius! Photo not mine.

This theory also explores the connection of sexual assault and rape to alcohol. Physiological effects of alcohol actually includes lesser sexual stimulation, as alcohol is a depressant. However, one of its many effects is lowered inhibition. Studies further supported the Commodification Theory suggested the correlation of theft, rape, and alcohol. It was found that there is a significant correlation of alcohol with theft as well as rape. 

The Developmental Theory of rape focuses on the rapists. It suggests that rapists mostly came from harsh backgrounds wherein violence is a common occurrence. This may have an interesting correlation to the the Rape as a Gender-Based Hate Crime Theory which proposes that rape is done not for sexual gratification but simply fueled mysoginistic tendencies. If one analyzes these two theories, it may be that in a culture where women are treated as second-class citizens and are thus violated physically, emotionally, and financially, there can be the cultivation of rapists-to-be because the violence against women becomes ingrained in people's developmental milestones. 

Another popular theory is that rape is not about sex but about control. The Control Theory of rape. This is a very interesting theory, one which is especially applicable in our country, a land battered by major storms and disasters each year. Many Filipinos who have been victims of these disasters have been displaced from their homes. Lives and properties have been lost. Essentially, control is lost. People who have lost control of their lives may want to reclaim control by controlling someone else. This theory explains why sexual abuse, forced prostitution, and rape occur in the aftermath of humanitarian crises.

Victim Blaming - Limiting the Superheroine Potential

Rape victims suffer all kinds of physical, mental, social, and emotional trauma, and the path of victim to survivor is not easy. This is the primary reason why I believe rape survivors have the power of superheroes. This is true for both men, women, and children victims. Rape victims may suffer physical harm such as bruises, lacerations, and sexually-transmitted infection such as HIV/AIDS. They may suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and selective amnesia (so yes, it is possible for the victim to forget that he/she was raped). Other mental problems such as eating disorder, hypersexualization, depression, and suicidal tendencies may also occur. To top it all off, victims of rape often treated do secondary victimization. This happens when they are treated by authorities and health professional in a callous manner, almost or directly implying that the attack is the victim's fault. Victims are further traumatised with questions that imply that the fault lies in their actions - their short skirts, their penchant for drinking and the night life, for being in a relationship with their attacker. With all of these aftereffects, one can see why it is so difficult to survive rape. 

In the United States, there are nurses who specialize in dealing with victims of sexual assault called Sexual Assault Nurse Examiners (SANE). These forensic nurses are not only equipped to handle and preserve evidences of sexual abuse, but are also trained with proper communicative skills to ensure that victims are treated well. The Philippines has no such health professional. It is fortunate that The Magna Carta of Women provides for the increasing number of policewomen to handle sensitive cases of rape and sex crimes. A manifestation of such move is the Aling Pulis. It is something that those of us who advocate for rape survival and prevention are happy with, but this is not enough.

Mythbusting Rape 

Since my fellow the speaker, Sir Peter Flores, mythbusted some the historical stuff, I also talked about some of the common misconception about rape, although I'm sure most PATAS members know about this already. Here are some: 

1. The movie monster perspective of rapists. Many people perceive rapists as an unknown figure, shrouded in darkness - someone who would force himself or herself on an unsuspecting victim with brutal force. While this does happen, it is important to note that rapists can come in all shapes, sizes, and forms. Sometimes, the violators are known and loved by the victims - friends, lovers, family. 

2. The "puta" image of rape victims. Like rapists, victims also come in all shapes, sizes, and forms. Most people from the Idiot Society think that rape victims are victims because they are promiscuous and sexually expressive. This is not true. In fact, most rape victims in the Philippines last year are children. I don't think children can be "putatsing" in any way. Anyone can be raped - the young, the old, the rich and educated, the poor and ignorant, the religious or the atheist, the heterosexual, the transexual, the homosexual. Although some populations are more at risk, one must remember that rape does not discriminate - it's humans who do that.

3. Brutal force is a prerequisite to rape. This is one of the common idea when rape is talked about. Again, this does happen, but sometimes psychological coercion can be just as effective.  One of the people who confided in me was raped by her step-father when she was a teen. The metaphorical knife against the throat? The step-father threatened the girl that he will hurt and leave her mother.

A Cycle of Violence

In a special report done by GMA network, it was revealed that 5,493 cases of rape were reported in 2013. 4,234 of these cases are child victims. Like in all of the statistics I present, I want to emphasize that these numbers are REPORTED. Given the culture of silence in the Philippines, these numbers may be significantly higher.  This culture of silence is strengthened by victim's fear of being ostracized and called names. This is why victims would rather suffer than come out. This is why rapists continue to attack the vulnerable without little inhibitions. By being blaming and slut-shaming victims, members of the Idiot Society are contributing to the cycle of violence. 

In other words, victim-blamers: 

Related articles: 

• One of the officers of the Humanist Alliance of the Philippines, Inc. (HAPI), Ate Jing Dalagan , wrote about the event. Read her stuff here.
• Theories of Rape, Harvard Law
• 10 Ignorant (and Usually Annoying) Things to Say about Rape and Rape Victims
• Victim Blaming Rant: My Make-up and My Boobs are NOT Your Excuse!
• The Sotto Conservatism, the Idiot Society, etc
• More Than Micro-minis and Ef-me Heels

Author's Note: I would like to thank the following people for this lovely experience. Sharing my insight about something I am passionate about has always been and will always be a wonderful experience: My friend for being my "date" even if he didn't take any pictures of me; Doc Tess Termulo, Sir Ric Caliolio, and the fab Regie Pasion, and all the PATAS members for having me - truly you people are good without God; To Sir Peter Flores - thank you for the impromptu lecture! Sorry I missed your presentation; to Ate Jing Dalagan, for being my fellow woman warrior and for spreading the word about women's rights; and to all the superheroes and heroines who have inspired me to keep on fighting for rape prevention and survival. Tuloy ang laban, mga kapatid. 

10 Ignorant (and Usually Annoying) Things to Say about Rape and Rape Victims

Let’s get this out of the way first: Death threats can go to the comment section. Also, if you dislike reading extra stuff, then this post isn't for you. It's LONG, and I give extra stuff to read. 

Truth be told, I am sick and tired of people who spend time yapping about rape and rape victims without spending time knowing what rape and rape victims are about. In my years of perusing articles on rape and sexual abuse, I have seen so many people saying so many idiotic things, as if they understand what it is like to be in the receiving end of unwanted penetration. These comments are insensitive and hurtful. And above all, these comments are STUPID.

Here are some statements that really get my blood boiling.

1. “Why now? It’s been (insert number) of years!”

You know, coming out of the closer has never been easy. When LGBT comes out to tell the world that their sexual preferences are different from heterosexuals, they sometimes get acceptance. Sometimes, they get called devils by insane fundies and bigots as spawns of Satan and diseased animals and other such lovely, lovely descriptions.

Coming out as a rape victim, especially in a patriarchal and hypocritical society such as the Philippines (because, seriously, if you have half-naked men and women gracing huge billboards along EDSA and other major highways, your society is NOT conservative) is a challenge. Surprised? Sometimes, victims can receive sympathy and true support from beings of higher intellect. But they can also receive some pretty nasty shiz from beings of shizzy intellect. Unfortunately, to a rape victim, hearing (or reading) such insensitive and idiotic comments directed towards her increases guilt and self-shame. It makes her think that it is her fault, that she deserves it. It makes her think that she is a slut and that because of the rape she will never be loved and she has lost her value. EVEN IF THESE ARE NOT TRUE. It’s like she’s being raped again, this time by words of many faceless idiots who know nothing but open their mouths and spit venom.

So you see, admitting that you have been violated in the most intimate of ways is not a walk in the park.

Why now? Because the victim’s only just been able to gather the courage to say that she has been violated, despite the danger of being harassed by the idiots of the world.

She doesn’t deserve flak. She deserves applause.

     2. “Well, she was wearing too much make-up and too little clothing.”

Once in a while, a girl will want to have that come-hither look. Whether this is done through a sexy red pout or a dress that will highlight all her womanly curves depends on her sense of self expression. A girl would sometimes dress to impress potential partners, that is true (mostly we dress up because we like to feel pretty, though). Yes, a girl may want your attention, but how difficult it is to appreciate but not touch unless given leave?

Some people say that if men see something as enticing as a beautiful woman and that their natural instinct to procreate is activated, thus enticing women are at fault if they are raped. This is one of the most insulting things I’ve ever heard. Are these people saying that our men have no sense of self control? That saying a woman’s exposed legs or cleavage is more than enough to turn the supposedly stronger sex to savages? Where is the philosophy that humans are capable of moral decisions and intelligent thought? 

In the Steubenville Rape Case, a high school girl who was incapacitated by alcohol was publicly and repeatedly sexually assaulted and raped by two football players during a party. The incident was circulated in social media.

If we blame rape on what a woman wears or what make-up she opts to use, then we are effectively saying that our men are only as good as animals in heat.

Kawawa naman ang mga boys.

     3. “How can it be rape? She’s going out with him!”

Let’s look into how rape is committed under RA8353: 

Rape is committed:

      "1) By a man who shall have carnal knowledge of a woman under any of the following circumstances:

            "a) Through force, threat, or intimidation;

            

            "b) When the offended party is deprived of reason or otherwise unconscious;

            

            "c) By means of fraudulent machination or grave abuse of authority; and

            

          "d) When the offended party is under twelve (12) years of  age or is demented, even though none of the circumstances mentioned above be present.

     "2) By any person who, under any of the circumstances mentioned in paragraph 1 hereof, shall commit an act of  sexual assault by inserting his penis into another person's mouth or anal orifice, or any instrument or object, into the genital or anal orifice of another person."

Basically, rape is committed if penetration of any of the mentioned orifice by any instrument or body part occurs WITHOUT CONSENT. So it really doesn't matter if she's your wife, your girlfriend, some fubu who is bang on a semi-regular basis, or a supposed one night stand. If she can't or doesn't consent, that's rape.

Read up on date rape here and marital rape here.

      4. "That’s what you get for getting drunk."

     The victim blaming culture is strong in this one.

    The first thing that must be looked into is the subtle difference between "cause" and "risk". This must be discussed because subtleties are lost to most people, especially the stupid ones. Let us consult my old buddies Merriam and Webster:

   Risk: the possibility that something bad or unpleasant (such as an injury or a loss) will happen

    Cause :something or someone that produces an effect, result, or condition : something or someone that makes something happen or exist

     Studies have confirmed that exposing oneself to certain dangerous situations increases the likelihood of rape. Translation: RISK increases. These dangerous situations are include going alone to dark and dangerous places and getting drunk in dark, dangerous bars with dark, dangerous strangers. But these dark dangerous things do NOT cause rape.
    
     Rapists cause rape. 
    
    Besides, smoking also increases the risk for cancer. Do we tell smokers it's their fault that their cells suddenly decided to go on population explosion mode with immortality complex? Do we judge and shun them for smoking?

     Didn't think so.

     5. “Sex workers can’t be raped. They’re sex workers!”

     Unfortunately, those who belong in the Idiot Society believe that if a woman sells her body for sex, she can't say no to any other kind of sex. Going back to the definition of rape, we can see that as long as there is penetration of the oral, anal, or vaginal cavity WITHOUT CONSENT, it is rape. It doesn't matter who you are. Your identity or profession does not excuse the rape.
     
     Sex workers are more vulnerable to sex crimes than other population because the nature of their work leads others to discriminate against them. Those who have ultra-conservative (and hypocritical) ideologies see these men and women as dirty and low-class citizens. They are seen as people who need to be punished for immorality. This is why cases of abuse and sexual violence is rampant in the sex industry.

    Unfortunately, in an Idiot Society, women who refuse to abide by the Maria Clara, those who have gone through rape and sexual assault are almost always blamed for their actions. 

    Then again, if it didn't, it wouldn't be called "idiot"

     Read more on sex work and violence here.

     6. “Men can’t be raped.” 

     If he said no and was not in the right state to give consent, then he can be.

     7. After seeing Ellen Adarna’s workout video. “Sarap naman rape-in nyan!”
      
     Fact 1: Dude who said this was my former co-worker.
     Fact 2: Ellen Adarna is hot.
    Fact 3: Still, the dude who said it (a) scared the crap out of me and (b) almost made me punch him in the face. What, just cause the girl is hot and allegedly had a nip slip, you'd want to rape her?
     Fact 4: Some people will say I'm over-reacting and the dude was only joking. Which leads us to this meme:

 

     Let me tell you a little something about rape jokes: they are insensitive shiz that come out of people who blab before they think. They trivialize the issue and the experience of everyone who has gone through the attack. They are the kind of humor that has no place in a society that prides itself for being civilized.

     8. “Sana ma-rape ka.” (I hope you get raped.)
     
     This gets my blood boiling. I mean, sure, once in a while I ask bad things to happen to people who I think are arseholes. For instance, I do wish that Tanda, Pogi, and Sexy get kick out of the Senate. I wish Janet Lim Napoles to be thrown in a regular jail cell. I want corrupt officials to lose their investments made with the people's money.

     How does that differ from idiots who told Kat Alano that she should be raped when she spoke about the incident in the height of the Vhong-Deniece-Cedric hullaballoo?

    The difference is that  no body deserves to be raped. Even Tanda, Pogi, and Sexy who have apparently been f*cking with the people's money, and to wish for someone to undergo such attack is inhumane.

     9. “Get over it.”

    Shit happened alright. Being violated in the most primal of ways by an unknown assailant or, worse, a person one trusts does qualify as shit happening. But this is not something that victims just get over. It takes a lot of courage for victims to not just kill themselves in the aftermath of a rape. It takes courage to bring themselves away from the experience and see that there is a life to be lived after the attack.

     Victims don't just get over it. Saying so is undermining the strength it takes to live and trust again. Victims don't get over rape. They survive it.     

     10. "This is related to the Vhong-Deniece-Cedric issue again!”

Deep breathing exercise required before answering this one, or else I’ll suffer a coronary at 25 because this is so absolutely stupid.

Reality check, ladies and gentlemen: Not everyone’s lives revolve around scandals in Philippine showbiz. 


We have other things to fight for.

Last piece of advice to anyone who would be commenting on rape ever again:
 Either read up or shut up.

Victim Blaming Rant: My Make-up and My Boobs are NOT Your Excuse!

(or Why Victim Blaming is Detrimental to a Progressive Society and is a Stupid Excuse)

I happen to like make-up. Just this year I got three really lovely make-up stuff that I can play with when I'm bored. My sister-in-law finally relented and bought me an E.L.F. Beauty Book. My office mate, Ms. Deby, gave me this lovely gold eye line which I absolutely LOVE. And I got this palette from Beauty UK Cosmetics that one of my favorite beauty guru on Youtube uses. Cool.

I like make-up because it's like painting, except your face is the canvas. I love how you can change the way you look with different colors and textures, using different techniques. It's like creating a mask (which I've loved making since I was a little kid). I like make-up so much, I actually posted a couple of (pretty weak) attempts on make-up tutorials on this blog, one of which is my Effie Trinket-inspired look.

So why am I blabbing about make-up?

Because of this:

That's right. First it was the way we dressed, and now it's what we put on our faces. What next, dermatological treatments? It seems that victim blamers are looking into anything that can focus the spotlight on the ones being raped rather that the ones doing the raping. 

Honestly, I'm not surprised. I have been exposed to extent of ignorance and idiocy of those who blame rape victims. I have heard them justify their premises by several preposterous ways, from quoting the Bible to screwing up Psychology. It's atrocious. 

I had this conversation with a victim blamer last year and it totally blew my mind...in an "I wanna put a revolver against my temple and shoot" kind of way. 

I don't remember how the conversation turned to rape; what struck me was this person's conviction that a rape victim must have done something in order to provoke the attack. 

I asked this person to justify her statement. I asked her to present me with empirical data to back her claims. This mentioned the Bible. This person reasoned that since this is a "book that has been in history for the longest time", it must have something to say about the subject. When asked what the book has to say about blaming rape victims, I was not answered.

Of COURSE I rolled my eyes. 

I gave this person another chance and presented a case which is painfully familiar: a child growing into puberty gets raped by a family member. The victim blamer replied that it must be something done by the victim to entice the rapist into committing the act...even if it's involuntary and innocent, if the act has enticed some asshole to fuck with a girl's life, "the blame should not fall solely on the rapist".

What, we're blaming kids for growing up and getting boobs now?

Dear god.

This story is something I've heard from a lot of people, even my own parents. I swear, my heart breaks (and I freak out) whenever I hear these poor uneducated people talk about rape with uneducated brains.

As an advocate for rape prevention and survival, one of the most important thing that should be understood about rape is this:

The cause of rape is above and beyond the primal need to copulate; it is as much a societal problem as a psychological one. 

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am saying that rapists have problems with what's up there...although I am also assuring you that most of them aren't completely cuckoo and are fit to stand trial. The psychological basis of rape is domination and insecurity. We have both anecdotal evidence and research from international institutions which support this claim. Here is a little something I wrote about the topic.

Why am I so outspoken about blaming rape victims? I have several reasons. The first of which is that I have large boobs. What is a relatively-acceptable neckline to others is completely lewd on me. And I'd really put on clothes without my parents worrying about my mortal soul and my dignity.

Somebody buy me this shirt.

Seriously, victim-blaming has many undesirable consequences. Victim blaming, first and foremost, does not only instil guilt over the ones violated, it creates a mentality which affects both the victim and society in general: that the victim deserved the attack.

 In a victim-blaming society, women are judged for wearing  her skirt too shortly or showing way too much cleavage or wearing a seductive red lip or going out to drink with her friends or having the courage that, yes, damn it, sex feels good . Women are blamed when some arse on the street throw disgusting comments about her boobs, or for when women are not taken seriously because they are vocal about sex (more on this on another post). Women are blamed for provoking rape because of these same behaviors. 

This guilt that a victim feels is detrimental to survival and justice. In 2009 there were about 9,000 reported cases of rape. The operational word, ladies and gentlemen, is reported. This means that the number of rape cases for that year may well exceed this number. Why do you think victims are afraid to tell people -authorities - that they have been violated? Because these things can radically change someone's life. Once you have been violated in the most primal of ways, life is never the same. Survival and a semblance of a normal life beyond the abuse are things that can be achieved only with a strong heart, and at this point in time, even the strongest ones are vulnerable. The judgement an Idiot Society will make, the blame a victim will receive from the members of this idiot society, is a huge blow to the victim's self esteem, and make her question if she is truly a victim or an accomplice to the attack. The what-ifs would haunt her and self forgiveness for something she never had control of would be something very difficult to achieve. Why do you think some rape victims prefer killing the themselves over continuing to live?

"Siguro kung hindi ako uminom, nagmukhang puta, nagsuot ng maikling damit, nag-make-up, hindi ako magagahasa."

Sometimes, victim-blaming is almost as violating as rape itself, although instead of raping someone's vagina, anus, or mouth, victim blamers fuck with a person's integrity, by merely suggesting that the victim is has provoked and thus deserving of the attack. I don't blame victim blamers, although they honestly piss me off. I blame their ignorance of the science and psychology of rape, I blame the idiot conservatism that they have been fed with by those who are equally ignorant of this subject but are placed in positions of power (our elders, our teachers, our law-implementing authority, our government, our religious leaders), and I blame the underlying ideology that men have underdeveloped superego who would rape any woman who displays the smallest bit of sexual action (even something as innocent as developing boobs?).

Victim blaming and its detrimental effects - suicide, low self esteem, post traumatic stress disorder, preferring silence to justice, and giving rapists an excuse to do it - can only be solved by cultural change and empowerment through education.

Let's start with this simple thing:

A Series of (Open) Codswallop-y Letters

ONE

Dear Leaders and Politicians,

Hi! First of all, I'd like to congratulate you for winning that nation-wide popularity contest we call the Philippine elections. I'm pretty sure you're glad that the millions of pesos you spent on posters with photoshopped faces, TV ads in between telenovelas, and "witty" campaign jingles were not put to waste. And of course, the famous last names were helpful. VP Binay must be happy that his experiment of throwing Nancy Binay into the dirty, dirty world of politics yielded positive results. I can almost see the guy grinning in my head. 

Awesome. Great. Yeah - now the hard part. Oh, you didn't know that the election is just the start? That's bad for you then, because the number of years that you'll spend in power will be spent under the watchful eye of the still-educated, still-wise percentage of the Filipino people (although, given the results of the 2013 Circus/Popularity Game, I'm beginning to doubt if this is actually a significant percentage.)

Off to my message: I believe I already gave you my congratulations. I hope that as one of the people who pay for your salary that you'll allow me to advise you on some things that I deem to be important. Here are a few of them: 

1. The guy up there (not God, silly, are you even sure that the one you're worshiping has the biological determinant of being a guy?) said that we, the Filipino people - those who earn minimum wage, those who eat from garbage cans, go to public schools, sweat in overcrowded  and congested public vehicles, those who live on top of smelly rivers, in dumps, in "socialized housing" projects that are probably going to collapse in a few years -, are your bosses. So that means we can fire you. 

2. Being a leader means you must have the humility and the patience to be one with your members. Given that some members are stubborn and stupid and you are only human, and stupidity is very annoying - you are still a leader, trusted by the people to be more understanding and more capable of sacrificing in terms of education even the most idiot members of your group. Hindi po nakakababa ang pakikipag-usap sa miyembro. Wag kang ma-pride, at tandaan mo na sa miyembro ka parin maypananagutan. Elected representatives, I do hope you speak to the community which you represent before taking a stand on the issue. Your job is to represent YOUR PEOPLE, not anything else. 

3. One word, dears: delikadesa. Mahiya rin paminsan-minsan. You have been given the immense responsibility and the privilege of serving the Filipino people. It's a rare and terrible gift. Don't screw it up. Remember that if you do, apologizing would not be enough. Many may forget whatever stupidity you've committed while in power, but many will also remember.

That's all I can think of for now. I guess, for conclusions, all I can say is this: have fun, good luck, and we'll be watching so don't mess it up too badly. 

Sincerely

Janina Santos

Your Supervisor/Critic/Tax-Paying Citizen of the Republic of the Philippines

TWO 

Dear Ms. Aiai Delas Alas,

I'm usually not into showbiz. I mean, I rarely ever watch TV. My mom was watching this showbiz news show last Sunday though, and I saw you crying your eyes out for your shattered fairy tales.

I have three things to say to you: 

1. Do yourself a favor and ipa-VAW-C mo na yang gago mong soon-to-be ex;

2. It wasn't your fault. You only loved and wished to be loved in return. We do stupid things when we're in love, but at the end of the day, you are a victim;

3. If anybody says otherwise, flip 'em the middle finger. I'll join you. 

Best regards,

Janina Santos

Vagina Warrior/TV-Deprived Chick

THREE

Dear Ex-Students,

That teacher who's annoying and pushy and repetitive and infuriating and demanding, the one who would rather give you individual feedback that would probably make you melt in embarrassment than leaving you alone to wallow in your ignorance, is making extra effort to help you learn. He or she doesn't have too do that. He/She can deliver the lesson, then sit down and Facebook while you do hundreds of practice tests, drills, and activities. Then he/she can just give you an answer key so you'll check your own answers and leave you despite the fact that you still don't understand why the answer is "A" when ou're quite sure it's "onomatopoeia".  Basically, he or she still gets paid regardless of whether you pass the subject of not. 

Don't be a prat. Seriously. Since you do not exude Channel Number 5 from your very pores and you are probably far from being a guru of peace, unity, and love, listen to criticisms and learn from it. You might pick up a thing or two. 

If you understand this already, then do people a favor and spread the word. 

Oh, and here's a little something for you, by the way: http://scribblesontheclipboard.blogspot.com/

That's my English blog. I'll be posting stuff there once in a while. 

Best of luck,

Your Ex-T/New Drinking Buddy(?)/Possible Friend

FOUR

Photo from salon.com

Mr. Mike Jeffries

Chief Executive Officer

Abercrombie and Fitch

Dear Mr. Jeffries:

Good day. Although I am not a patron of your brand, I am writing this letter to inquire about a concept that your marketing strategy that I find confusing. 

If A&F is indeed only reserved for good-looking, attractive, and cool people as deemed by a social generalist and stereotypical man such as yourself, that you dislike these "uncool" individuals in your stores, does this mean you get beaten by a broom whenever you enter a store in an attempt to purchase an A&F sweatshirt?

Because, you see, by your socially general and stereotypical definition of who is good-looking, attractive, and cool, well, you're just not one of them.

Best regards,

Curvy and Voluptuous Lady Who's Probably an XL 

                                             FIVE

Dear Self,

Remember the beauty of life and love and don't lose sight of a present that is bittersweet and a future that is bright with possibilities. 

Love,

You

The Sotto Conservatism, the Idiot Society, etc

This meme has been circulating in FB since Sotto's
ironic claims of how conservative Filipinos are.

During the second reading of the Reproductive Health Bill in the Senate, Majority Floor Leader Tito Sotto moved to take out the phrase "safe and satisfying sex" because we Filipinos are conservative. This, coming from a man who hosts a noontime show famous for having scantily-dressed girls gyrating to double-meaning novelty songs. You can see how utterly honest the concern for the Filipino people's conservative culture is. You can imagine me doing a very aggressive eye-roll

 I don't understand this about the Filipinos: we speak so much of how we value the Maria Clara image, but EDSA is congested with billboards of men and women in their underwear and we belong to a society that would need a woman stroking herself to sell a product that takes care of holes in the roof.

Hypocrisy has always bothered me for so many reasons, primarily because it's stupid and it hides behind the mask of righteousness. Many people hold on to traditional ideals that are directly contradicted by how act and how they treat others, and by how little they know/have consideration for the facts of what they are talking about. Like supposedly fighting for the sanctity of life of the unborn while scoffing at the 11 women who die every day because of lack of maternal care, or pretending to be a respectable public servant while plagiarizing other people's work. Conservatism without logic. Traditionalism without thinking. Self-righteousness without righteousness at all.  I am re-naming this kind of attitude the Sotto Conservatism. 

S.C. is has always gotten in the way of resolving really important issues. It took the RH Bill almost 16 years to be passed. I've witnessed the battles going on inside both houses of parliament, on the streets, and in the cyberworld. I've been in these battles. The fight for a legislation to provide comprehensive reproductive health services did not drag out just because of due process - it was because there are powerful people afflicted with the S.C. who make sure that the process was delayed. We all know who we're talking about, of course. 

Sotto Conservatism is, I believe, the root of many problems that I am passionate of abolishing - such as blaming victims of rape for their ordeal - and one of the biggest hurdles to overcome when it comes to pushing for legislation that would benefit people.

The past few days, I’ve been getting really cringe-worthy news on Facebook. Sure, the RH Bill is now the RH Law, but the oppositions seem to be gearing up for a Word War with flimsy logic masquerading as smart arguments. Bishop Gilbert Garcera of the Diocese of Daet spoke of how he views overpopulation in the Philippines in an interview. He believes that the population of the Philippines is ideal because the our countrymen can be sent overseas as workers and migrants.  “God’s plan for Filipinos to be caregivers to ageing nations whose populations had become stagnant.” He also said that Filipino women would make “good wives” to foreigners. As if needing to dig his own grave further, he said that poverty which stems from overpopulation is not a problem at all because poverty brings people closer to God.

Dear Bishop: So this isn't a problem? You seriously need to get your eyes and your morals checked.

 I’ve also been severely pissed by an Italian Catholic priest’s proclamation that women who are sexually abused and beaten ask for it. Fr. Piero Corsi wrote and posted a Christmas message on the door of his church. “How often do we see girls and mature women going around scantily dressed in provocative clothes? They provoke the worst instincts, which end in violence or sexual abuse. They should search their consciences and ask: did we bring this on ourselves?” Corsi wrote.

In New Delhi India, a gang raped teenager committed suicide after being forced by the police to drop the charges against her attackers and marry one of them.

In our country, Speaker of the House Belmonte expressed his sentiments in pursuing the divorce bill by the next congress. Of course, ultraconservatives have started posting Facebook status messages claiming that those who want to divorce their spouses are selfish and irresponsible.

Here are some of my two-cents’ worth, without censorship:

     1.      Sorry to burst your bubble, Bishop Garcera, but I was not born to be just someone’s wife. I was born to pursue self-actualization. As a Filipino, you seem to have some twisted sense of nationality to actually be happy that our countrymen have to leave to pursue better life. The Filipino people are not commodity. Ikaw kaya ang i-export ko. Also, if you believe that poverty is not a problem, you probably have never left the comforts of your church. Or you have, but your eyesight needs correcting. Poverty is a very big problem. I don’t understand how having nothing to eat and having nowhere to live make you closer to God. I don’t believe that going through hell on earth brings you closer to God. Because if it did, I would rather not believe in your god, because he seems to thrive in cruelty. Your argument against the law on comprehensive reproductive health is invalid at best, atrocious at worst. Wake up and smell the crap of your argument. This attempt at remaining conservative in the face of population and development just killed a couple of my brain cells.

   

      2.      Father Corsi, if we were to go by your premise, then the kids who get the sh*t beaten out of them by abusive adults “should search their consciences and ask: did we bring this on ourselves?” What about the children priests such as yourself molested, Father? What did they do to deserve what sex offenders in your rank did to them? Your victim-blaming attitude is medieval, offensive, arrogant, and it honestly scares me. We have been trying to teach society to NOT RAPE, but you keep insisting that IT IS OUR FAULT WE ARE RAPED. Trust me on this one: You can be wearing a ratty old shirt and be a wallflower of a girl – if someone makes the decision to rape you, he/she will. Quoting from a former high school guidance counselor and a dear friend, “If it is true that girls and women, who are clothed scantily, provoke men to rape them, then Boracay would now be the epicenter of thousands of rape cases!”

Victim blaming is a culture.

     

      3.      Making a victim marry her attacker is plain stupid, although I understand the concept. Psychologically traumatized, victims would sometimes seek to have a relationship with their attackers just so they can assure themselves that what happened was not rape but legit, consensual sex. Or course, this is not the case here. In some societies, a raped woman is a disgraced woman. Raped women who belong to this culture are often murdered for disgracing the family – stoned by the males of her family.  This is an extreme case of victim-blaming attitude that stems from Sotto Conservatism – let woman suffer because she’s lost her hymen. Borrowing my good friend Duston Barto’s precise description of the feeling, you make me want to punch a kitten (or punch the people in charge of the case in the Indian gang rape case, for that matter).

Sometimes, things can't be put back together.      

     4.      Isn’t it irresponsible and selfish of people to say that those who want divorce are irresponsible and selfish when they nor the people they care about have never gone through a loveless marriage that’s destroying them? Are they even aware of what people who undergo annulment go through? One of the people I’ve been working with has expressed her sentiments about annulment: “Pinagmumukhang puta ang babae” (The women are made out to be whores.) The experience is demeaning to both parties. What’s the difference between annulment and marriage? The process. Divorce is less bloody. It would probably hurt as hell as well, but essentially, it’s not crafted to drag out for years. Think about this, anti-divorce people: essentially, the results are the same. Married people are separated completely, giving them another shot at a happy ending. I’m probably an idealist, but I think most people deserve a happy ending, no matter how screwed up that person was in the past. If the end is the same, won’t it be better to take the less psychologically traumatizing road?

There are many, many other issues that stem from idiotic traditionalism, and these are just a few, and it is kept alive by our complacency to follow blindly and not question norms. Among them: LGBT rights, dealing with HIV/AIDS, gender equality, and secularism. But seriously, it’s almost 2013, people.

 Isn’t it time we get over what we are used to and move on to a future that is ruled by what is right and not just what is easy? I say abolishing Sotto Conservatism is long overdue.

http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/331529/overpopulation-good-for-filipinos-says-bishop

http://www.thejournal.ie/piero-corsi-san-terenzio-italy-priest-christmas-message-women-murder-sexual-violence-732418-Dec2012/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/27/india-gang-rape-suicide_n_2370859.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false