Leap of Faith: Going Full-time for Safe and Satisfying Sex

That's right, ladies and gentlemen. I have finally pursued my calling. I have shed my teacher-y facade and gone into a world where vaginas, condoms, and penises dominate. I am now a full time sex worker... and I work with kids! Yum.

Don't worry, I haven't gone into pedophile prostitution, but I have to admit the situation now is quite orgasmic. Last week, I submitted my application to the Foundation for Adolescent Development. I applied for the position of Program Manager (yes, makapal ang mukha ko) hoping against hope that I'll be called in for an interview despite the overwhelming number of people who I believe are more qualified for the job. Imagine my utter bewilderment when I was called in for an interview a few days letter. Imagine, again, how stupefied I was upon learning that I got the position.

So here I am, finally, after months of saying it but never quite meaning it: I am officially a full time advocate of sexual and reproductive health and right. What's more, I work for and with the young ones - adolescents to be exact -, which is an absolute privilege. I am also quite lucky to be working with one of the most prominent names in reproductive and sexual health and rights advocacy, my boss Alvin Dakis, and my oh-so-awesome partner Erick Bernardo. My baptism of fire started on the last week of May and my first official brush with the wonderful world of adolescent sexual and reproductive health and rights came last Tuesday. 

I represented the Foundation for Adolescent Development in a forum called Defining the Best Interest of the Child and the RH Law which was held at the Quezon City Hall last Tuesday. It was organized by the NAPC Youth and Children Sectoral Council, WomanHealth Philippines, Save the Children, Women's Global Network for Reproductive Rights and the Office of Vice Mayor Joy Belmonte. I was privileged enough to be able to sit down with some  the members of the Active Youth Participation (AYP) members and talked about the Reproductive Health Law. Several interesting points came up. 

One of the issue that discussed heatedly was the limitations of reproductive and sexual health services offered by the government to minors. The RH Law specifies that minors cannot receive RH services from  health centers, unless they are given explicit consent by their parents and guardian. The kids thought this would hinder rather than better the access of the young people to better reproductive health. They can always go to a clinic, but really, which kid has that much money these days?

The kids believe that the written consent requirement is difficult to achieve because a significant percentage of parents do not want their children to know or to talk about sex even if it is with a professional health worker. Understandable. After all, if you're 15 and you come up to a parent and say, "Hey mom/dad, can you like write me a consent letter? Coz I really wanna know how a condom works", you'd probably get a slap on the face plus at least three hours of lecture on the immorality of sex for your troubles. 

It's sad that a majority of the Filipino people still don't want to admit that if kids can't get straight answers from their parents (and proper authorities) then the next big step is looking through the Internet and pornography, which are great for techniques and positions, but not quality instructional material for safe sex. And their boyfriends and girlfriends aren't exactly resource speakers on the matter.

I don't know much about private high schools (as I'm a legit government-educated kid during my HS days), but in public highs you'd be lucky if your teacher in Health is not very squeamish, hypocritical, and the overly-conservative. You might actually get some decent sex ed, even if it's just a minuscule part of the class. One of the girls I got to speak with, Ma-Rose, related a story of one such lesson. Her Health teacher had allowed them to speak and ask about sex, and despite laughing about the topic, she said the class actually learned about it. When their adviser found out about the oh-so-energetic lesson, the class got a metaphorical whip on the butt for being more active when it comes to sex ed than Math class. 

Algebra is important, I know, but I'm pretty sure that learning to prevent unwanted pregnancy, keeping oneself safe from HIV/AIDS and other STIs, and simply learning about the changes our bodies undergo during puberty and no less important. The teacher got pissed because the students liked and enjoyed talking about sex. This is as hypocritical as Sotto saying that the Filipino culture is conservative when half-naked women gyrate to novelty songs in that overly-reincarnated noontime show that really needs to die already. But I digress. The point: many parents don't want their kids to learn about sex, even from legit sources like teachers and health care professionals, probably because of some irrational ideology that is akin to Sotto's myopic perceptions of the Filipino culture. 

This is why upon asking for suggestions, the group recommended that parents also be educated in the realities of reproductive and sexual health and rights. 

And that is, of course, another issue - education. The earlier sharing of one of the AYP members brings to light how sex ed was touched in Health class before the mandate on sex ed. Ma-Rose said that sometimes, they would be tested on things that were not even discussed inside the classroom. She felt that the teachers failed to give ample information on the topic. Thank goodness for the RH Law - at least sex ed won't just be about the novelty of saying puke and titi. Also, the young people added that although it is fun to laugh at sex talk, it is also not that helpful because of too much joking around. Content AND delivery matters.

Which brings us back to HOW the Filipino people talk about sex. I can rant about this all day that I'd start to sound like another Philippine Health Bloggers Society member Raimskie. We have lived for so long in a society that either cringes upon hearing about what's between a human person's legs and as a result we shut up about everything related to it. Which is utterly codswallop given that we sexualize almost everything - from kids' toys like Bratz to TV ads for liquor and roof leak seals. 

The young ones have spoken: They WANT to know what's going on with their body. They BELIEVE the importance of knowing about sexual health and rights. They NEED comprehensive adolescent reproductive and sexual health services.

Now what? 

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On a side note, I'd like to invite everyone to be a member of the Foundation for Adolescent Development's Junior Board program. Train under the best board of trustees of FAD, get the latest know-how on adolescent reproductive and sexual health, have opportunities for scholarships to conferences here and abroad, and advocate for your peers.

The Foundation for Adolescent Development (FAD) is a not-for-profit, non-government organization established in 1988 catering to a very specific clientele: Filipino adolescents and young adults aged 13-24 years old who may be in school, in the community, in the workplace, including difficult situations such as the street.

Be the present of today's reproductive and sexual health and rights advocacy! Join the Foundation for Adolescent Development's Junior Board. See details below. Good luck, leaders and advocates!

The Sotto Conservatism, the Idiot Society, etc

This meme has been circulating in FB since Sotto's
ironic claims of how conservative Filipinos are.

During the second reading of the Reproductive Health Bill in the Senate, Majority Floor Leader Tito Sotto moved to take out the phrase "safe and satisfying sex" because we Filipinos are conservative. This, coming from a man who hosts a noontime show famous for having scantily-dressed girls gyrating to double-meaning novelty songs. You can see how utterly honest the concern for the Filipino people's conservative culture is. You can imagine me doing a very aggressive eye-roll

 I don't understand this about the Filipinos: we speak so much of how we value the Maria Clara image, but EDSA is congested with billboards of men and women in their underwear and we belong to a society that would need a woman stroking herself to sell a product that takes care of holes in the roof.

Hypocrisy has always bothered me for so many reasons, primarily because it's stupid and it hides behind the mask of righteousness. Many people hold on to traditional ideals that are directly contradicted by how act and how they treat others, and by how little they know/have consideration for the facts of what they are talking about. Like supposedly fighting for the sanctity of life of the unborn while scoffing at the 11 women who die every day because of lack of maternal care, or pretending to be a respectable public servant while plagiarizing other people's work. Conservatism without logic. Traditionalism without thinking. Self-righteousness without righteousness at all.  I am re-naming this kind of attitude the Sotto Conservatism. 

S.C. is has always gotten in the way of resolving really important issues. It took the RH Bill almost 16 years to be passed. I've witnessed the battles going on inside both houses of parliament, on the streets, and in the cyberworld. I've been in these battles. The fight for a legislation to provide comprehensive reproductive health services did not drag out just because of due process - it was because there are powerful people afflicted with the S.C. who make sure that the process was delayed. We all know who we're talking about, of course. 

Sotto Conservatism is, I believe, the root of many problems that I am passionate of abolishing - such as blaming victims of rape for their ordeal - and one of the biggest hurdles to overcome when it comes to pushing for legislation that would benefit people.

The past few days, I’ve been getting really cringe-worthy news on Facebook. Sure, the RH Bill is now the RH Law, but the oppositions seem to be gearing up for a Word War with flimsy logic masquerading as smart arguments. Bishop Gilbert Garcera of the Diocese of Daet spoke of how he views overpopulation in the Philippines in an interview. He believes that the population of the Philippines is ideal because the our countrymen can be sent overseas as workers and migrants.  “God’s plan for Filipinos to be caregivers to ageing nations whose populations had become stagnant.” He also said that Filipino women would make “good wives” to foreigners. As if needing to dig his own grave further, he said that poverty which stems from overpopulation is not a problem at all because poverty brings people closer to God.

Dear Bishop: So this isn't a problem? You seriously need to get your eyes and your morals checked.

 I’ve also been severely pissed by an Italian Catholic priest’s proclamation that women who are sexually abused and beaten ask for it. Fr. Piero Corsi wrote and posted a Christmas message on the door of his church. “How often do we see girls and mature women going around scantily dressed in provocative clothes? They provoke the worst instincts, which end in violence or sexual abuse. They should search their consciences and ask: did we bring this on ourselves?” Corsi wrote.

In New Delhi India, a gang raped teenager committed suicide after being forced by the police to drop the charges against her attackers and marry one of them.

In our country, Speaker of the House Belmonte expressed his sentiments in pursuing the divorce bill by the next congress. Of course, ultraconservatives have started posting Facebook status messages claiming that those who want to divorce their spouses are selfish and irresponsible.

Here are some of my two-cents’ worth, without censorship:

     1.      Sorry to burst your bubble, Bishop Garcera, but I was not born to be just someone’s wife. I was born to pursue self-actualization. As a Filipino, you seem to have some twisted sense of nationality to actually be happy that our countrymen have to leave to pursue better life. The Filipino people are not commodity. Ikaw kaya ang i-export ko. Also, if you believe that poverty is not a problem, you probably have never left the comforts of your church. Or you have, but your eyesight needs correcting. Poverty is a very big problem. I don’t understand how having nothing to eat and having nowhere to live make you closer to God. I don’t believe that going through hell on earth brings you closer to God. Because if it did, I would rather not believe in your god, because he seems to thrive in cruelty. Your argument against the law on comprehensive reproductive health is invalid at best, atrocious at worst. Wake up and smell the crap of your argument. This attempt at remaining conservative in the face of population and development just killed a couple of my brain cells.

   

      2.      Father Corsi, if we were to go by your premise, then the kids who get the sh*t beaten out of them by abusive adults “should search their consciences and ask: did we bring this on ourselves?” What about the children priests such as yourself molested, Father? What did they do to deserve what sex offenders in your rank did to them? Your victim-blaming attitude is medieval, offensive, arrogant, and it honestly scares me. We have been trying to teach society to NOT RAPE, but you keep insisting that IT IS OUR FAULT WE ARE RAPED. Trust me on this one: You can be wearing a ratty old shirt and be a wallflower of a girl – if someone makes the decision to rape you, he/she will. Quoting from a former high school guidance counselor and a dear friend, “If it is true that girls and women, who are clothed scantily, provoke men to rape them, then Boracay would now be the epicenter of thousands of rape cases!”

Victim blaming is a culture.

     

      3.      Making a victim marry her attacker is plain stupid, although I understand the concept. Psychologically traumatized, victims would sometimes seek to have a relationship with their attackers just so they can assure themselves that what happened was not rape but legit, consensual sex. Or course, this is not the case here. In some societies, a raped woman is a disgraced woman. Raped women who belong to this culture are often murdered for disgracing the family – stoned by the males of her family.  This is an extreme case of victim-blaming attitude that stems from Sotto Conservatism – let woman suffer because she’s lost her hymen. Borrowing my good friend Duston Barto’s precise description of the feeling, you make me want to punch a kitten (or punch the people in charge of the case in the Indian gang rape case, for that matter).

Sometimes, things can't be put back together.      

     4.      Isn’t it irresponsible and selfish of people to say that those who want divorce are irresponsible and selfish when they nor the people they care about have never gone through a loveless marriage that’s destroying them? Are they even aware of what people who undergo annulment go through? One of the people I’ve been working with has expressed her sentiments about annulment: “Pinagmumukhang puta ang babae” (The women are made out to be whores.) The experience is demeaning to both parties. What’s the difference between annulment and marriage? The process. Divorce is less bloody. It would probably hurt as hell as well, but essentially, it’s not crafted to drag out for years. Think about this, anti-divorce people: essentially, the results are the same. Married people are separated completely, giving them another shot at a happy ending. I’m probably an idealist, but I think most people deserve a happy ending, no matter how screwed up that person was in the past. If the end is the same, won’t it be better to take the less psychologically traumatizing road?

There are many, many other issues that stem from idiotic traditionalism, and these are just a few, and it is kept alive by our complacency to follow blindly and not question norms. Among them: LGBT rights, dealing with HIV/AIDS, gender equality, and secularism. But seriously, it’s almost 2013, people.

 Isn’t it time we get over what we are used to and move on to a future that is ruled by what is right and not just what is easy? I say abolishing Sotto Conservatism is long overdue.

http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/331529/overpopulation-good-for-filipinos-says-bishop

http://www.thejournal.ie/piero-corsi-san-terenzio-italy-priest-christmas-message-women-murder-sexual-violence-732418-Dec2012/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/27/india-gang-rape-suicide_n_2370859.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false