Victim Blaming Rant: My Make-up and My Boobs are NOT Your Excuse!

(or Why Victim Blaming is Detrimental to a Progressive Society and is a Stupid Excuse)

I happen to like make-up. Just this year I got three really lovely make-up stuff that I can play with when I'm bored. My sister-in-law finally relented and bought me an E.L.F. Beauty Book. My office mate, Ms. Deby, gave me this lovely gold eye line which I absolutely LOVE. And I got this palette from Beauty UK Cosmetics that one of my favorite beauty guru on Youtube uses. Cool.

I like make-up because it's like painting, except your face is the canvas. I love how you can change the way you look with different colors and textures, using different techniques. It's like creating a mask (which I've loved making since I was a little kid). I like make-up so much, I actually posted a couple of (pretty weak) attempts on make-up tutorials on this blog, one of which is my Effie Trinket-inspired look.

So why am I blabbing about make-up?

Because of this:

That's right. First it was the way we dressed, and now it's what we put on our faces. What next, dermatological treatments? It seems that victim blamers are looking into anything that can focus the spotlight on the ones being raped rather that the ones doing the raping. 

Honestly, I'm not surprised. I have been exposed to extent of ignorance and idiocy of those who blame rape victims. I have heard them justify their premises by several preposterous ways, from quoting the Bible to screwing up Psychology. It's atrocious. 

I had this conversation with a victim blamer last year and it totally blew my mind...in an "I wanna put a revolver against my temple and shoot" kind of way. 

I don't remember how the conversation turned to rape; what struck me was this person's conviction that a rape victim must have done something in order to provoke the attack. 

I asked this person to justify her statement. I asked her to present me with empirical data to back her claims. This mentioned the Bible. This person reasoned that since this is a "book that has been in history for the longest time", it must have something to say about the subject. When asked what the book has to say about blaming rape victims, I was not answered.

Of COURSE I rolled my eyes. 

I gave this person another chance and presented a case which is painfully familiar: a child growing into puberty gets raped by a family member. The victim blamer replied that it must be something done by the victim to entice the rapist into committing the act...even if it's involuntary and innocent, if the act has enticed some asshole to fuck with a girl's life, "the blame should not fall solely on the rapist".

What, we're blaming kids for growing up and getting boobs now?

Dear god.

This story is something I've heard from a lot of people, even my own parents. I swear, my heart breaks (and I freak out) whenever I hear these poor uneducated people talk about rape with uneducated brains.

As an advocate for rape prevention and survival, one of the most important thing that should be understood about rape is this:

The cause of rape is above and beyond the primal need to copulate; it is as much a societal problem as a psychological one. 

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am saying that rapists have problems with what's up there...although I am also assuring you that most of them aren't completely cuckoo and are fit to stand trial. The psychological basis of rape is domination and insecurity. We have both anecdotal evidence and research from international institutions which support this claim. Here is a little something I wrote about the topic.

Why am I so outspoken about blaming rape victims? I have several reasons. The first of which is that I have large boobs. What is a relatively-acceptable neckline to others is completely lewd on me. And I'd really put on clothes without my parents worrying about my mortal soul and my dignity.

Somebody buy me this shirt.

Seriously, victim-blaming has many undesirable consequences. Victim blaming, first and foremost, does not only instil guilt over the ones violated, it creates a mentality which affects both the victim and society in general: that the victim deserved the attack.

 In a victim-blaming society, women are judged for wearing  her skirt too shortly or showing way too much cleavage or wearing a seductive red lip or going out to drink with her friends or having the courage that, yes, damn it, sex feels good . Women are blamed when some arse on the street throw disgusting comments about her boobs, or for when women are not taken seriously because they are vocal about sex (more on this on another post). Women are blamed for provoking rape because of these same behaviors. 

This guilt that a victim feels is detrimental to survival and justice. In 2009 there were about 9,000 reported cases of rape. The operational word, ladies and gentlemen, is reported. This means that the number of rape cases for that year may well exceed this number. Why do you think victims are afraid to tell people -authorities - that they have been violated? Because these things can radically change someone's life. Once you have been violated in the most primal of ways, life is never the same. Survival and a semblance of a normal life beyond the abuse are things that can be achieved only with a strong heart, and at this point in time, even the strongest ones are vulnerable. The judgement an Idiot Society will make, the blame a victim will receive from the members of this idiot society, is a huge blow to the victim's self esteem, and make her question if she is truly a victim or an accomplice to the attack. The what-ifs would haunt her and self forgiveness for something she never had control of would be something very difficult to achieve. Why do you think some rape victims prefer killing the themselves over continuing to live?

"Siguro kung hindi ako uminom, nagmukhang puta, nagsuot ng maikling damit, nag-make-up, hindi ako magagahasa."

Sometimes, victim-blaming is almost as violating as rape itself, although instead of raping someone's vagina, anus, or mouth, victim blamers fuck with a person's integrity, by merely suggesting that the victim is has provoked and thus deserving of the attack. I don't blame victim blamers, although they honestly piss me off. I blame their ignorance of the science and psychology of rape, I blame the idiot conservatism that they have been fed with by those who are equally ignorant of this subject but are placed in positions of power (our elders, our teachers, our law-implementing authority, our government, our religious leaders), and I blame the underlying ideology that men have underdeveloped superego who would rape any woman who displays the smallest bit of sexual action (even something as innocent as developing boobs?).

Victim blaming and its detrimental effects - suicide, low self esteem, post traumatic stress disorder, preferring silence to justice, and giving rapists an excuse to do it - can only be solved by cultural change and empowerment through education.

Let's start with this simple thing: