Love, Sex, and Writing

You know that kind of passionate, topsy-turvy romance that most people see in the movies? The kind that can be punctuated by rough fights, occasional cool-off, and/or  extreme jealousy that end up in  crazy, wild, orgasmic sex and proclamations of love and not being able to live without that person?

I have that. Well, I used to, anyway. Now we’ve both settled down. The sex is still wild and orgasmic, and the proclamations of love are still there, of course, but we’re done with the rough roads and we’ve settled into something that’s more comfortable.
Before you make any assumptions, I would like to clarify who I’m talking about (although ‘what’ would me more appropriate) – Writing.

I’ve been having a love affair with Writing for the longest of time, and it is probably one of the most heart-breaking and life-changing thing I have even gone through. One of the many things I’ve learned: once you make a commitment with Writing, it can break you or make you. So, for those who are new to the love affair, here are some stuff that might help you get through the rough roads. The journey to becoming a better writer is long and difficult, but I hope these tips/insights/random thoughts would make it bearable, and remind you that it is worth it.

 

1.       Writing is fine with passion; he appreciates the fire in your heart. He likes to be enveloped by the heat of how much you want him. But at the same time, passion without discipline is nothing to Writing. Starting a story is admirable, but finishing it is the goal.

2.       Trust me: Writing hates jejemon. He practically has a seizure whenever he sees one of the ‘ellhoouuuwwwzz pouuuhzzz” posts on Facebook. Respect the language. Learn the rules. You may have editors, but really, you can never be a good writer if you don’t even make an effort to learn the basic rules of subject-verb agreement.  

3.       Writing won’t mind if you have an affair. To him, monogamy is boring.  So, by all means, explore the world: travel, dance, watch a play, fight for human rights, have sex, study, get out of your comfort zone – fall in love. Writing won’t mind, but tell him about it afterwards. He likes it when you’ll have something new to talk about.

4.       Writing will also have affairs. In fact, he has many. Be sure that you know you’re not the only one he loves, or else, just like any other person, you’ll get your heart broken. There are many others who share his bed and his heart. The truth is he may love some others more. Your consolation: Once you immerse yourself in each other, then, for that infinitesimal moment, there is no one and nothing else in the entire cosmos but you and your love.

5.       And so, if Writing beds so many others apart from you, then you have to make yourself memorable for writing: What is the voice of your write-ups? What makes you different from the others? What makes Jessica Zafra different from Karl de Mesa, Karen Francisco, Neil Gaiman, and Stephen King. Writing wants to get to know you. Writing wants to know who you are.

6.       Just like sex, Writing should never be dry. After all, every gal and guy knows it’s bound to be painful and unsatisfying that. You should be making love to each other. Wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am has no place in being Writing’s lover. Just like sex, writing should be a dance, not a chore. 

7.    Just like sex, you never get Writing right the first time, unless you are one godly creature of creation who’s got Kama Sutra and/or Elements of Style by Strunk and White imprinted onto your brain cells. Don’t be afraid to get it wrong. Most pieces start up as relatively crappy. That’s what editors are for – they massacre your work and you learn how to do better. The learning process is painful (I’ve had my pieces bloodied so many times, I’m already desensitized), but you will learn a lot. (As for Kama Sutra, I bet there are loads of downloadable versions.)

8.        Writing accepts that you are not perfect and that sometimes you make use of utterly stupid words, but he doesn’t like idiots. Devour books, watch news, be a critical thinker. Even funny writers make sense: Bob Ong and  Eros Atalia are the best examples.

9.     Writing can sometimes be a demanding bastard. He would suddenly call you and want to hear your voice while you’re walking through the Ayala underpass, or when you’re on a jeep on your way to work, or at 3-freaking-AM and you've just been to a basagan session with the OH mates. Answer the call. It is often you who would seek him out, and it’s a very rare occasion that he would go to you and pester you for a bit of lambing and kwentuhan. 

10.       Writing will teach you one thing: the truth is painful, but as a writer, you must be a seeker of truth. Sometimes, you will break your heart in the process. Sometimes, the truth will tell you that you suck at writing, that the world is a bastard of a place, that there is nothing more to fucking than fucking, that young girls are raped and most of the time no one does anything about it, that Writing may never love you as you love it. A writer is a seeker of truth. No matter how painful the truth gets, it is your job to seek it, and eventually to tell the world about it. So: research, read, learn. Never stop learning. And never stop writing about what you learn.

There you go, Writer: my take on how to survive an affair with the most passionate and frivolous of partners. I leave you with one last piece of advice – If you’re standing on the edge of falling in love, then take the plunge. Pick up that pen and weave words together. I promise, it’s worth it.