Words of Wisdom for that Emotion those Traitorous Bitches, your Hormones and Nerve Impulses, Create (Plus Safe Sex Reminders)

So: I am writing while Alex Goot is singing/being amazing in the background. Who's Alex? Well, he's this pretty cool Youtube musician.  He's so good he makes Justin Bieber songs sound good. Check out the vid below. He's the guy with the glasses, and yes, he's the one fisting the piano.  

You understand why I'm crushing on this guy, right? 

This post would have been better if I came up with during Valentines season instead of during the dying days of March. Yes, ladies and gents, friends and neighbors, I've gone completely cuckoo and I am writing about love today. This is for all my friends who, for some reason, seek me out to talk about their love lives (or lack of love lives), their bleeding hearts, and their sex lives (usually regarding birth control). Welcome to Words of Wisdom for that Emotion that Traitorous Bitches, your Hormones and Nervous Impulses, Create (Plus Safe Sex Reminders), a Q and A where I play love guru and hopefully not screw up people's lives.

WARNING! Cusses, sexual innuendos, etc. Don't read if you don't like. 

DISCLAIMER: I actually SUCK at giving love advice. I can totally handle birth control counseling though ^_~

Let's start, shall we?

Q:  What do you mean hormones and nerve impulses? Do we not love with our hearts?

Stop blaming the heart. It's not its fault you're head over heels with that
one person you can' t just get with. 

A: No dude. No. Your heart beats and supplies blood to your body, keeping you oxygenated and alive. It's made of of ventricles and atria and cardiac muscles. It does not "feel". Blame the brain, friends and neighbors. That's the real culprit. Love is an emotion brought about by a cocktail of hormones (which gives you the same high as a bunch of illegal drugs, actually).

Oh, here's a trivia: sucking  your partner's nipple produces a hormone called oxytocin, which creates bonding, just like in babies and their moms. 


Q: My boyfriend/girlfriend is an arse. But I am hopelessly in love with him. What do I do?

A: Take it from someone who's been in a suicidally shitty relationships and whose self esteem has been pretty much in the dumps: turn around and walk away. You'll survive. You'll cry for a few days, feel shittier for a few weeks then one day you'll wake up and laugh and ask yourself what the hell you were thinking. Trust me.



Q: (Buddy Question) Why do some men choose mistresses over their wives (or the other way around, for that matter)?


A:Tough question. Several reasons, really. It may just be because the person you cheat with is shiny and new and mysterious and interesting. It may be because love has gone out the window, or at least has trickled out because of a thousand possible reasons. It could be that the person you're married to isn't the one you're meant to be with. Someone told me once that if you and your partner have different ideologies, different dreams and priorities, then things would probably not work out. 

Makes sense to me.

Q: How would you differentiate making love and fucking?

A: Let me first talk about the similarities: (1) both can be deliciously pleasurable; (2) the sex of the person you do it with doesn't matter; (3) creativity and innovation is very much appreciated, or as I always say, monotony is codswallop. 

Now, the differences. To simplify: not all making love is fucking and not all fucking is making love. 

I guess making love is something based on tenderness and love and all that fluffy stuff and rainbows and gummy bears.  You know, things dreams are made of. If it means you get slammed to the wall, handcuffed, and positioned awkwardly - fine. If love (and consent) is there, that is love making. 

Fucking is just a joining of two bodies for the sake of pleasure or one or of both or of all partners. 

Regardless of whether it's making love or fucking, please, for the love of decency and justice, don't do the wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am routine. And don't forget the condom. It prevents complications like unwanted pregnancies, and like one of my AIDS course prof said, "having sex in a sea of virologic ignorance".

Segue: Above is a shot film called "Just Once", which is part of a series of short films from Scenarios in Africa, an NGO that creates short films about HIV/AIDS. Coolies right? Check 'em out. =)

Q: (Buddy Question) To what extent can you give your love to a person who doesn't love you?

A: Woah, that's tough. Parang IELTS lang ha! I guess you love that person in the “I want him/her to be happy” sort of way. You love that person to the extent that you hope to be THE ONE, but that won’t matter as long as he/she finds THE ONE, or as long as he/she is happy. In other words, you love him/her in a quiet way, like most love stories go. Save some for yourself, though. Their happiness doesn't mean you have to be miserable.

Q: (Buddy Question) Does sexual pleasure equate to how much people love one another?

A: Yes and no. I would say it's more pleasurable to have sex with someone you love. But to be blunt, love is not equal to performance, and performance is pretty damn important. So learn the moves and learn them well boys and girls. It's practically a duty.

And speaking of love and sex, did you know that the use of contraceptive methods can increase the pleasure you get from the act? It's because both partners would feel secure that there won't be any unplanned babies and they'd have some security from STIs. Click on this for one of my favorite easy-breezy sites for your birth control guides and know-hows. 

Now repeat after me: 

Q: Would you want a fairy tale love story?

A: If the fairy tale means that I get to be a ninja and fight the bad guys with my "prince", then yes, I'd like a fairy tale love story. I mean, why be a princess when you can be a ninja?



Q: I'm broken. My heart lays in cold, shattered pieces. Can I ever love again?

A: You know, broken glass can be melted and molded into something new. To simplify: you're broken, not dead. 



Q: Do you believe in happy endings?

A: Why yes, I do. 

Epiphanies and Visualizations

If you’re looking for some deep, artistic conglomeration of words that would inspire you and make you remember all the hauntingly beautiful things in life, this is probably not it. This is actually just an attempt to digest and get rid of crazy thoughts running in my head and trying to beat each other to bloody pulp.

Tonight’s rant is about this photo:

This came from CBCP’s organized Anti-RH Bill protest earlier, in EDSA. The bill, which has been lobbied by many groups for more than 15 years now, is on critical waters. August 7 marks the day the House of Representatives will vote if the controversial law-to-be gets passed the debating process or not. Thus, the rising clamor from both pro and anti RH groups. In social media sites, other debates are on going.

Saved Sex: the banner phrase that sparked a Facebook brouhaha. What does this one mean? Everyone has their own interpretation. At first, I assumed this was merely a poor attempt on alliteration (because it is seriously a confusing, trying-hard combo), but due to my drug-addled brain (I'm sick), I have come into various epiphanies of the possible meaning of this much-debated lines.

    1.       So you can’t have sex now coz your girl’s on her red flag days? You tick this one of as a “saved sex” and file it into your “to claim” folder. Next time she accuses you of being an insensitive prick, you haul savedsex.doc from the baul and hit her in the face with it.

    2.       Maybe it’s a grammatical error and they were really trying to type, “Saved’s sex”. Like, once you are deemed as “saved”, you go to a heaven where you can get all the sex you want? Doesn’t sound bad at all.

    3.       OR maybe I was right in the beginning and it really IS a poor attempt at alliteration to just to have something that rhymes with “safe sex”.  Can’t blame them. Alliteration is an incredibly good literary technique. They just forgot to make it sensible.

They probably mean abstinence, and I don’t have a problem with that. The only problem is the confusing message it sends out. Makes me wonder if the people who stormed EDSA today actually know what they’re fighting for.

So, ok I lied: I actually don’t know WHAT saved sex is about. If you have explanations/theories, please feel free to hit the comment button and share your own epiphanies. They might help me sleep… or throw me into fits of laughter.

Safe sex, though, this is a term I’m familiar with. Merriam-Webster online defined this term as “sexual activity and especially sexual intercourse in which various measures (as the use of latex condoms or the practice of monogamy) are taken to avoid disease (as AIDS) transmitted by sexual contact—called also safer sex”.

Which got me thinking if, again, I misunderstood the meaning of “no safe sex”. Do they mean that they would want to purge condom use, monogamy, hand jobs, and other practices in making love and having sex that keep people STI-free?  

Unlucky to have been cursed with a vivid imagination, I saw the following scenarios unfold in my head:

    1.       A Philippines where men and women and children are screwing each other like rabbits in heat, passing HIV, Chlamydia and gonorrhea back and forth, like a sick game of pass the ball.

    2.       HIV rising exponentially. 2012 stats leaving 2011’s in the dust. Thousands of new cases each month, and thousands of new deaths too.

    3.       The laws preventing bigamy and adultery would be abolished. If there is no more safe sex, then married couples can sleep with whoever they want to sleep with, right?

    4.       Condom companies will go broke (certain groups would totally love this).

    5.       Teenage pregnancies will shoot off the charts. Reality check, many of these kids are not getting pregnant because of two things: either they aren’t getting laid, or they decide to put on condom. Hello population explosion! As if we don't have enough people.

     6.       Seriously: the Philippines will sink into economic catastrophe. This is because people’s health is still the responsibility of the government, and treating people with STIs and HIV/AIDS is far from cheap. Anti-retroviral drugs for PLHIV  cost a fortune. Thus, massive allocations to health must be made, dying up fund allocation for other needs. Thus, further depleting the monetary fund of our poor country, and her equally poor people.

     7.       The Philippines will die a slow, painful, discharge-filled death due to an epidemic of sexually transmitted disease. Or maybe not. Without safe sex, STIs will become as common as the flu, and people might actually start talking about it in rational manners so it is easier to help them. But STIs being much more common is just sad, don’t you agree?

     8.       Sex will be less exciting. Because a hand job is part of foreplay, which is, incidentally, safe sex practice. Poor, deprived men and women and cringe-worthy wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am!

Oh my. Give me zombie apocalypse any day.#