Words of Wisdom for that Emotion those Traitorous Bitches, your Hormones and Nerve Impulses, Create (Plus Safe Sex Reminders)

So: I am writing while Alex Goot is singing/being amazing in the background. Who's Alex? Well, he's this pretty cool Youtube musician.  He's so good he makes Justin Bieber songs sound good. Check out the vid below. He's the guy with the glasses, and yes, he's the one fisting the piano.  

You understand why I'm crushing on this guy, right? 

This post would have been better if I came up with during Valentines season instead of during the dying days of March. Yes, ladies and gents, friends and neighbors, I've gone completely cuckoo and I am writing about love today. This is for all my friends who, for some reason, seek me out to talk about their love lives (or lack of love lives), their bleeding hearts, and their sex lives (usually regarding birth control). Welcome to Words of Wisdom for that Emotion that Traitorous Bitches, your Hormones and Nervous Impulses, Create (Plus Safe Sex Reminders), a Q and A where I play love guru and hopefully not screw up people's lives.

WARNING! Cusses, sexual innuendos, etc. Don't read if you don't like. 

DISCLAIMER: I actually SUCK at giving love advice. I can totally handle birth control counseling though ^_~

Let's start, shall we?

Q:  What do you mean hormones and nerve impulses? Do we not love with our hearts?

Stop blaming the heart. It's not its fault you're head over heels with that
one person you can' t just get with. 

A: No dude. No. Your heart beats and supplies blood to your body, keeping you oxygenated and alive. It's made of of ventricles and atria and cardiac muscles. It does not "feel". Blame the brain, friends and neighbors. That's the real culprit. Love is an emotion brought about by a cocktail of hormones (which gives you the same high as a bunch of illegal drugs, actually).

Oh, here's a trivia: sucking  your partner's nipple produces a hormone called oxytocin, which creates bonding, just like in babies and their moms. 


Q: My boyfriend/girlfriend is an arse. But I am hopelessly in love with him. What do I do?

A: Take it from someone who's been in a suicidally shitty relationships and whose self esteem has been pretty much in the dumps: turn around and walk away. You'll survive. You'll cry for a few days, feel shittier for a few weeks then one day you'll wake up and laugh and ask yourself what the hell you were thinking. Trust me.



Q: (Buddy Question) Why do some men choose mistresses over their wives (or the other way around, for that matter)?


A:Tough question. Several reasons, really. It may just be because the person you cheat with is shiny and new and mysterious and interesting. It may be because love has gone out the window, or at least has trickled out because of a thousand possible reasons. It could be that the person you're married to isn't the one you're meant to be with. Someone told me once that if you and your partner have different ideologies, different dreams and priorities, then things would probably not work out. 

Makes sense to me.

Q: How would you differentiate making love and fucking?

A: Let me first talk about the similarities: (1) both can be deliciously pleasurable; (2) the sex of the person you do it with doesn't matter; (3) creativity and innovation is very much appreciated, or as I always say, monotony is codswallop. 

Now, the differences. To simplify: not all making love is fucking and not all fucking is making love. 

I guess making love is something based on tenderness and love and all that fluffy stuff and rainbows and gummy bears.  You know, things dreams are made of. If it means you get slammed to the wall, handcuffed, and positioned awkwardly - fine. If love (and consent) is there, that is love making. 

Fucking is just a joining of two bodies for the sake of pleasure or one or of both or of all partners. 

Regardless of whether it's making love or fucking, please, for the love of decency and justice, don't do the wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am routine. And don't forget the condom. It prevents complications like unwanted pregnancies, and like one of my AIDS course prof said, "having sex in a sea of virologic ignorance".

Segue: Above is a shot film called "Just Once", which is part of a series of short films from Scenarios in Africa, an NGO that creates short films about HIV/AIDS. Coolies right? Check 'em out. =)

Q: (Buddy Question) To what extent can you give your love to a person who doesn't love you?

A: Woah, that's tough. Parang IELTS lang ha! I guess you love that person in the “I want him/her to be happy” sort of way. You love that person to the extent that you hope to be THE ONE, but that won’t matter as long as he/she finds THE ONE, or as long as he/she is happy. In other words, you love him/her in a quiet way, like most love stories go. Save some for yourself, though. Their happiness doesn't mean you have to be miserable.

Q: (Buddy Question) Does sexual pleasure equate to how much people love one another?

A: Yes and no. I would say it's more pleasurable to have sex with someone you love. But to be blunt, love is not equal to performance, and performance is pretty damn important. So learn the moves and learn them well boys and girls. It's practically a duty.

And speaking of love and sex, did you know that the use of contraceptive methods can increase the pleasure you get from the act? It's because both partners would feel secure that there won't be any unplanned babies and they'd have some security from STIs. Click on this for one of my favorite easy-breezy sites for your birth control guides and know-hows. 

Now repeat after me: 

Q: Would you want a fairy tale love story?

A: If the fairy tale means that I get to be a ninja and fight the bad guys with my "prince", then yes, I'd like a fairy tale love story. I mean, why be a princess when you can be a ninja?



Q: I'm broken. My heart lays in cold, shattered pieces. Can I ever love again?

A: You know, broken glass can be melted and molded into something new. To simplify: you're broken, not dead. 



Q: Do you believe in happy endings?

A: Why yes, I do.