Year Ender: Cool/Sucky/Awesome Stuff That I Got to Do in 2011

Above: Me with RH an environment and environment advocate Grace Bondad Nicolas protesting against Ayala Alabang's Anti-Condom Ordinance.

1. I got into social media activism, to express my naked support for things that I think matter, and rally against some preposterous propositions.




2.I got to teach an international English exam, develop programs for review, and do lots and lots of corporate writing, script writing, event organizing, hosting, and other such activities that I had no idea I was capable of doing!




3. I got published. And I worked my butt off too. I learned a lot from my mentor's brutal edits, obsessively researched facts, and challenged myself to think outside the usual realms of my writing.



Top Panel, from left to right:In various events with notable personalities such as sexual health advocate and writer Ana Santos; tour guide and TV personality Carlos Celdran; former Akbayan representative Risa Hotiveros. Lower Panel, left to right: Various personalities in RH Bill-I Support grand eyeball at The Living Roon; Members and officers of the Alliance of Young Nurse Leaders and Advocate in Mulat Pinoy's Beyond Condoms talk featuring Magsaysay Awardee and Thailand's Mr. Condom, Mechai Viravaidya.

4. I got to meet really great people who are inspiring and powerful.


Above (from left to right): Me, with the creators of Naermyth (Karen Francisco), News of the Shaman (Karl de Mesa) and Trese (Budjette Tan) during Visprint's WIT.

5. I got to read some really cool works of fiction and to meet the creators!


My Level 40 Assassin (Diablo 2, Expansion) and a newly-solved Rubik's cube puzzle.

6. I got to play the Rubik’s Cube, Diablo 2 Expansion Pack, and Warcraft 3! Deep gratitude to Julius Magpantay for showing me the many simple happiness of life.



Self explanatory.
7. I got to understand the power of social media first hand…and the responsibility of wielding it (and not to care about whatever bullshit people who don't know any better throw at me ^_~).


But the most important thing I got to do in 2011...is to have spent time with you, yes YOU. Whether or not you take time to peak into my blog (much appreciated if you have), I am extremely grateful to have spent time with you.


Now let's all bid 2011 goodbye, learn from it, love it, let it go.

Happy New Year, y'all!

So, what IS fab about hand-me-downs? (Janina’s awkward and potentially disastrous attempt to write about fashion)

If you’re like me then you probably only have one pair of pants that you actually invested on, and the rest are give-aways from various ninangs, titas and other benefactors. Also, if you’re like me, you’d probably cringe at the thought of spending PHP800 for a piece of clothing from some branded, although not necessarily atrociously expensive, shop.

Confession: I hate shopping for clothes.

Two reasons.

One, because I have no fashion sense, and thus, regardless of the number of zeroes attached to whatever else number of money I spend on clothes, and no matter how much time I spend looking for what I think is the perfect dress, I would still probably end up with weird pieces, like long lacy black skirts, or a statement shirt with comic book characters printed on it.

Two, because I would rather spend money on books, cutesy notebooks, colored pen, acrylic paints, or invest on really great workshops that will significantly increase what’s up in my head and fatten my resume. There are hundreds of other cool stuff I can get with the money I would otherwise spend on just one piece of overly expensive dress, which I can get in Divisoria or Baclaran for half the price.


Above: A dress I got at the mall for eight hundred bucks, and four books I got in a convention for the same price

So, how do I survive if I am a clothes shop-a-phobic?

Well, thanks to my various ninangs, titas and other benefactors, I have yet to show up at work butt-naked.

Brand-whores and mall-obsessed self-proclaimed fashionistas might shudder at the thought of hand-me-downs. Which is why they are missing out on a lot of great opportunities.

Summon the fashion goddess that is your benefactor and be guided accordingly as to what looks great and what looks repulsive.

I am extremely lucky to have benefactors who know what looks good, and would also tell me what looks good on me. It totally solves the problem of my non-existing fashion sense and saves me from committing social suicide by showing up in my frumpy shirt and ye-olde-school baggy pants. Since I am the non-experimenting kind when it comes to clothes, I would often get stuck to colors, styles and cuts that would not change unless some courageous and sensible person tells me that I look like a duck.

Problem: Because of the rules of social propriety, nobody does that to my face.(Although I’m pretty sure the topic comes up a lot when people are lacking topics to make fun of).

Basically, getting hand-me-downs often comes with that all-important lesson on what does not make me look stupid.

If the benefactor is not present, and would prefer just sending a bunch of stuff to my house for me to try on, then summoning the fashion goddess is a tad bit harder. I’m sure the clothes they sent me look good on them – once – but that does not guarantee that I won’t look like a peacock once I have them on. At least I am sure that the clothes are good quality.

Of course, that depends upon your philanthropist. Is it of good fortune or misfortune? In cases like this, I would have to rely on what little I know about looking good and pray I’m still respectable in the morning.


Get super sexy branded stuff… For free. Seriously.

Above: A handbag and a wallet given to me by a friend of my mom's

Louis Vuitton shoulder bags, Lacoste shirts, and Ferragamo shoes. Good condition, sometimes barely ever used. The price? A kiss on your favorite ninang’s cheek and a visit during Christmas. Maybe a little phone call or text every now and then. No kidding.

Have more money to spend on your more pressing needs and addictions (to prevent unsightly withdrawal symptoms and psychological imbalances)… or simply to fatten that bank account.
I happily spent PHP800.00 during Visprint’s WIT event for four books, without hesitation, with my friend Gary having to metaphorically drag me away from the book stands to keep me from spending my lunch money, whereas it took me three hours just to look for a dress, any dress, to wear to our retreat back in college.

I am a very poor chick, like most twenties lady nowadays. Despite having a job (and some writing sidelines, which are rare), I’d have to admit that making ends meet is one heck of a challenge. The excess money that I have is enough to buy a new blouse every now and then, or a good book with about 500 pages in it which would last me for about three days, if I am having a lazy spell or simply incredibly tired that I can barely pick my feet up. Guess which one I’d rather buy?

Having people give me old stuff from their closet saves me the money and the effort of buying new clothes. This also saves me from having to wear what little I got for myself to tatters. With the help of my fashion benefactors, I was able to transcend my dark monetary abyss and spend on stuff that I think matter more. Like this thing below:


Our partially completed house. Construction began last 2010 and it is already livable.

So to everyone who has bestowed their much-loved, extremely great stuff to yours truly, I am really grateful. Keep ‘em coming, please and thank you!

Five Women I’d Happily Go Bi For

Of course I have my ovaries, my estrogen and all the other physical attributes of being a woman. I am in a relationship with a certified member of the male sex and am very happy with him. However, that does not change the fact that I have girl crushes: I admire other women for their simple kick-arse-ness. There are a LOT of them - strong, intelligent, brave women who are no fairy tale princesses or old school Maria Claras – ladies that I would happily trade my eggs for.
And here are my five hottest picks.



Tina Siuagan, Nurse, Musician, Writer and Model
(On the left: Tina featured in Zen Health Magazine)

I’ve got to tell you the truth: I am giddy to be able to call this girl my babe. Tina Siuagan is an all-in-one kind of woman. She is like the perfect girl friend: pretty in a rock star way, but smart and funny. A woman of substance who can drive you nuts with her wit. Never a dull moment when you’re with this girl. What’s really great about Tina, though, is that despite the not-so-good situation nurses are now facing, this girl makes it a point to pull up the morale of nurses whether through her articles or her music.

A registered nurse, Tina is also the lead vocalist of the rock band Amihan, and is the face of Rachell Allen Reviewers, USA, a center for exams such as the NCLEX and IELTS. This hot chick was also the cover of Zen Health magazine’s August-October.

Why she rocks: Because Tina is Nursing pride personified.




Ana Santos, Single Mom, Writer and Sexual Health Advocate
(On the left: Ms. Ana's Project Headshot Clinic for HIV advocacy)

I met Ms Ana during Writers Block Philippines’ Jumpstart Your Freelance Writing Career 2.0. I was a lost little wannabe writer with absolutely no idea of what to write and how the publishing world works, but I did have a lot of idea about sexuality and the stupidity of being strict conformists to age-old beliefs that maggots are now feasting on. Ms Ana was the inspiration as to why I came out as a reproductive health supporter and a women’s health advocate, particularly the sexual abuse victims. Her way of presenting sex and sexual health is passionate, intelligent, funny, but far from lewd (although a lot of her articles are also no-nonsense advice on how to get things hotter in bed).

Ana Santos is the editorial director of sexandsensibilities.com and co-founder of Writers Block Philippines. She is also a reproductive health and HIV/AIDS awareness advocate.

Why she’s hot: Because she can say “vagina” without flinching.



Dr. Raquel del Rosario-Fortun, Forensic Pathologist and Teacher
(On the left: Dr Fortun, featured in "Filipina Firsts: A Salute to 100 Women Pioneers 1898-1998")

I saw Dr. Fortun for the first time when I was having lunch at UP Diliman’s Chocolate Kiss, in Bahay ng Alumni, August 19, 2011. Yes, I know the EXACT date of when I first saw her. I was totally star struck that I forgot to swallow. She was talking to some people, and I had to fight the urge to get up and ask for an autograph.

Long before the introduction of the hit show CSI, I had wanted to be a forensic pathologist because I thought it was most awesome profession in the entire world. Actually, I still think it is one. Forensic pathology, the subdivision of pathology, is mostly concerned with the determination of the cause of death of a victim via external and internal examination. Specializing on the field means having an intensive background in medicine and pathology. The multi-awarded Dr. Fortun had her formal training abroad, but is now teaching in the University of the Philippines College of Medicine. She is still tapped by the National Bureau of Investigation whenever her expertise in cause of death determination and procedure is in need. Dr. Fortun, after all, is the First Filipino Woman Forensic Pathologist

True to her desire to battle ignorance, Dr. Fortun has been very outspoken about the need for training and better protocols when it comes to crime scene processing and corpse examination.

Why she’s awesome: Because she has opted to stay in the Philippines to teach.



Miriam Defensor-Santiago, Philippine Senator, First Filipino and First Asian from a Developing Country Elected as Judge in International Criminal Court
(On the left: Senator Miriam in her Filipiniana)

She is not the kind of woman you’d want to piss off. Debating with her is suicide and her verbal rebuttals are enough to send even the most hard-headed opponent into hiding under their mama’s skirts. Apart from her prowess in discussions, Senator Miriam is also the author of controversial laws-to-be such as the RH Bill and the much-needed and much-sensible Anti-Epal Bill.

Considered as one of the most intellectually prepped politician, Senator Miriam is also known for her witty one liner. My personal favorite: “I eat death threats for breakfast.”

Wow.

Why she’s hardcore: Because Senator Miriam’s so crazy by normal people’s standards, she makes total sense.




Grace Bondad-Nicolas, Writer, Engineer, RH and Environmental Activist
(Ms. Grace celeberating Jose Rizal's birthday, wearing the traditional Filipiniana in abaca)

I met Ms. Grace during a rally in Ayala Alabang, protesting the condom ban, and again during the RH Bill-I Support Facebook group eyeball in Carlos Celdran’s The Living Room. Looking at her, you would probably not think that she frequents the rally lines, lobby for better laws for reproductive health and the environment, and write power pieces for several print and online publications. Possibly because this petite lady loves going around in killer shoes and her signature Louis Vuitton bag.

Ms. Grace is also an online activist and a very approachable person. She is always happy to educate people with regard to her stands, regardless of how hostile they are in opposing her. Regardless of how hot-headed and whatever cusses spew from the mouths of those who oppose her, Ms Grace would still talk to that person calmly and respect their beliefs.

Why she’s cool: She’s so into her advocacy, she literally wears it.

How I Stalked Karl de Mesa, Horded the Books on Sale, and Performed Other Embarrassing and Possibly Disastrous Fan Girl Antics

(Dala ng sobrang kaligayahan dala ng VISPRINT, at dahil sa kinakausap ngayon ng manunulat ang sarili sa wikangn ito, napagdesisyonan niya na maglabas naman ng isang blogpost sa Tagalog, kahit na Ingles ang title. Sana hindi ito ang huli. Masaya talaga magpaka-baliw sa sariling wika.)

Andun na kame ng mga alas-syete, alas-syete y’medya. Lumilipad pa ang mga utak namen, bangag, walang tulog, at umabot pa sa puntong sa sobrang sabog ng neurons ko, in-explain ko pa kay Gary Mojica ang physiology behind fever, at physiologic response ng heart. Tango naman ang sira, akala siguro e alam ko ang pinagsasabi ko. Siguro gullible kase noong gabi lang na yun e inaapoy siya sa lagnat.

Wasak talaga sa pagod at sakit ang drama naming dalawa… Pero ayos lang! Nasa WIT kame! Visprint event! Mabuhay ang mga manunulat na Pilipino! Damang-dama ko ang nag-uumapaw na kaastigan ng mga nailathalang salita! Hindi na sapat ang kapangyarihan ng exclamation point para ipahayag ang excitement!!!

Maaga palang bukas na ang bentahan ng libro ng Visprint. At dahil hindi ko dala ang orihinal na kopya ko ng Naermyth ni Miss K, syempre kailangan ko bumili. Hindi dapat palampasin ang pagkakataon na makapag-pa-autograph sa idol ko! Pati narin syempre yung libro ng David Hontiveros na Craving, dahil nasa mahal ko na nakatira pa sa Batangas yung una kong kopya. At dahil andun narin naman ako, nag-rationalize narin ako na minsan lang ang 10% sale…kaya bumili narin ako ng libro ni Master Eros Atala na Ligo na u, Lapit na me; ng koleksyon ng novella ni Karl de Mesa, News from the Shaman, na nirebyu ng isa ko pang idol na si Lourd de Veyra; at syempre, hindi mawawala ang libro ni Bob Ong. Binili ko yung wala pa’ko: ABNKKBSNPLAKo. At dahil makabayan ako, bumili narin ako ng shirt na “Bakit Baliktad Magbasa ang Mga Pilipino?” kahit hindi kasya sakin dahil sobrang laki!

PHP800! Ayos, parang nanalo ako sa lotto! Yun nga lang, wala na akong pangkain para sa mga susunod na araw. Sinubukan ako pigilan ni Gary, pero parang wala naming kahit konting boses ang pagpigil niya sakin – sa tingin ko kung itinali at hinila papalayo sa mga libro, may tsansa na pigilan niya ako. Physiologic need ko ang pagbabasa, kumbaga pag nakakita ng libro, sugod!

Pasok kame sa exhibit. Halos sampung minute kame na nakatanga sa mga gawa ni Miss K tungkol sa Naermyth. Gusto ko na ngang i-uwi yung Batibat. Disturbing kase. Parang gigantic demented baby. Si Gary fan naman ng Bakunawa. Syempre, naglibot pa din kame. Daming artwork! Komiks ng Trese, mga sample work na pang editorial cartoon, at excerpts galling sa Kikomachine! Astig na astig kame sa digital art ng cover ng mga libro ko Master. Galing! Kaso nakita ko yung presyo: tumataginting na 8K. Sayang, gusto ko pa naman sana iregalo sa sarili ko.

Pagdating sa isang seksyon ng kwarto kung san nakatayo si Kapitan Sino, iniwan namen ang mga regalo naming para sa sowsyal eksperiment ni Bob Ong. Nilamon naman kame ng hiya. Tagal na nagkakantsawan kung sino ang pipili ng regalo. Natuwa ako na may homework si Propesor Bob Ong. Reaction paper. Cool. Gagawin ko yun pagkatapos kong sumulat ng Wishlist na nagsasabing sana maulit ang Visprint event with 50% discount sa mga libro, at pagkatapos ko magsulat ng panggulong blogpost tungkol sa mismong event na malamang e wala na namang papansin.

Napag-desisyonan namen na pumasok na sa meeting room para sa talk. Syempre dun kames a harap. Wala pa si Eros Atalia, na-stuck daw ata sa traffic. First stop: Paolo Fabregas. Habang nagse-set-up siya ay biglang ina-nnounce na nasa exhibit room na si Miss Karen Francisco.

Talon sabay mabilis na lakad habang kinakalkal ang Naermyth copy namen sa bag, sabay pila. Perks ng pagiging mabilis at maaga: Konti lang ang inantay namen bago kame makaharap sa kanya. Na-tongue tied ako. Parang Speaking Exam lang sa Intenational English Language Test System ang dating… at halos mahimatay ako ng matandaan niya ang pangalan ko! Super star stuck!

Pagkatapos ng konting kwento ay bumalik na kame sa loob para sa mga talks. Nauna si Sir Paolo Fabregas, ang lumikha sa Filipino Heroes League. Ganda ng sense ng talk niya, lalo na para sa mga manunulat at artists na biglang talon nalang at nagpapakalunod sa creativity, kaso pag binasa mo naman ang gawa e wala palang kwento. “Be clear, and then be clever.” Ayon sa kanya, ang pagiging creative, hindi lang pwedeng astig, dapat naiintindihan din. Parang ganito din ang sinabi ni Master Eros Atalia sa speech niya kung paano ikikwento ang kwentong Pilipino. Ang pagsusulat ang dapat nag dahilan, dapat may pamamaraan, dapat may mensahe. Hindi pwedeng gusto mo lang magsulat pero wala ka naman sasabihin. ‘Di rin pwedeng paulit-ulit mong sinasabi ang sinabi na ng iba –walang kwenta yun. Dapat tingnan ang mga bagay sa ibang angulo, tapos atakihin yun mula sa angulong yun. May isa pa! Sabi ni Master Eros, wag na daw naming hangarin na maging susunod na Bob Ong, Karen Francisco, o Karl de Mesa, dahil nga naman may Bob Ong, Karen Francisco at Karl de Mesa na. Para sa mga naghihikahos na filingerong manunulat na tulad naming, madalas masaya na pag nahahalintulad sa mga idolo. (“You write like Stephen King!”… Handa na akong mamatay sa kaligayahan). Nakakatuwang isipin na hinihimok kame ng isa sa mga idol namen na maging KAME, maging AKO, at hind imaging SILA. Dramatic moment ako dito. Masarap pala pakinggan na mag tiwala sa amin ang mga manunulat na ‘to, kahit na hindi nila kame kilala ng personal!

Ang pangit nga lang e ito: dahil nga sa wala kame sa katinuan ni Gary, hindi namen natapos ang morning session. Hypoglycemic na kame (meaning gutom) at kailangan ng kumain, magpahinga, at magpainit (parang freezer sa meeting room, malamang kase hyperthermic kame). Na-miss tuloy namen ang talk ng mga comic artists. Sayang. Gusto ko pa naman sana pakinggang yung 10 Tips for Lazy Artists ni Kajo Baldisimo, kaso din a talaga kinaya.

Matapos magpakasasa sa KFC, balik SMX na kame. 12:30 palang nag-aantay na kame ni Gary. Excited kame sa panghapon na talk: in line sina Miss K, Karl de Mesa at Bart Coronel. Ang topic – na paborito naming pareho ni Gary – horror at speculative fiction. Tuwang-tuwa ako, pero parang na-horde ko ata ang oras sa question-and-answer portion… pwede na rin, at least nakahingi ako ng tip kung pano hindi kakainin ng research na nagiging dahilan kung ba’t matagal nabibinbin ang stories ko, at nabigyan ipag-asa ako ni Sir Bart na kahit WALA AKONG ALAM SA WRITING, pwede parin ma-publish sa labas ng kawawang blog na ito na walang fan kundi me, myself and I.

Labas ulit kame ng meeting room pagkatapos ng Horror Group, painit ulit. Masama na talaga ang tama namen ni Gary, pero sa sobrang saya e napaglabanan ang sama ng pakiramdam. Nakita namen si Karl de Mesa na may kausap. Pinaplano ko na kung paano ko siya aambushin ng hinila ako ni Gary para bumili ng libro ng idol niyang si Manix Abrera at magpa-autograph dito.

Habang nakapila, may nakita ako. Isang kulot na medyo chubby na gwapo na PUMIPIRMA NG LIBRO NI BOB ONG. Anak ng… Biglang tingin ako kay Gary,nakangisi. Wala kasi siyang dalang kahit isang pwedeng pirmahan ng rare species na tulad ni B.O.

“Ano ulit sasabihin mo kung andito siya, at wala kang dalang papapirmahan?”
“P$%!&@*a,” sagot ng tropa ko.

Hagikhikan sa tawa. Nagpapirma ako. Syempre hindi si B.O. yung gwapo. ASA. Mga may Alzheimer’s nalang ata ang maniniwalang magpaparamdam siya sa kahit anung event. Si KLARO pala yung gwapo, yung nagdrawing ng Alamat ng Gubat. Gusto ko sana makipag-palit ng CP number kaso ang kapal naman ng mukha ko.

Balik sa labas. Hindi ko parin ma-i-execute ang plano kong ambush. Plan A: Himukin ang mga espiritu ng kadiliman para madala kame ni Master Karl sa ibang dimension at mapa-sign ko sa kanya ang libro ko tapos makapag-papicture. Kaso matagal na proseso yung ritwal nun. Plan B: Sumigaw ng sunog tapos kidnappin si Master Karl para makapagpa-sign ng libro tapos makapag-papicture. Kaso baka masira ang event. Ayoko. Baka ‘di na ko maka-request ng 50% off sale ng Visprint at Writing workshop para sa aming mga fangirls and boys nila. Plan C: Mag-antay na umalis ang mga kausap sabay GO.

Masaya man ang unang dalawang plano, Plan C padin ang natuloy. Pag-katapos ng maraming negosasyon sa hiya paghiling ng photo-op kay Master Karl, balik kame sa mga cool ng Visprint people sa labas. Pang apatnapu’t siyam na beses kong tinanong kung pupunta sa event si David Hontiveros. Hindi daw. Heart broken. Sayang naman. Pinagpalit ko nalang ang binili kong Craving para sa Trese ni Master Budjette Tan. Hindi ako mahilig sa comics, pero tuwang tuwa ako dito. (Pag-uwi ito ang una kong binasa sa FX, kahit pagdating sa bahay nag-aalburuto ang mata ko sa eye strain at pumipintig ang ulo ko sa sakit).

Pagbalik namen sa loob, oras na para sa pagpaparamdam ni Bob Ong. May mga technical difficulties, pero ayos lang. Tuwang tuwa kame dahil sa poetry reading ng Ang Bet Kong Jowa. Panalo. Parang revelation! Na-in love ata ako dun sa manunulat.
Syempre, hindi talaga magsasalita si B.O. Asa pa kame diba? Pero sabi naman ni KLARO, okay lang yun, kase mas gwapo naman siya. Wagas ang video presentation! May teaser pa para sa ika-siyam na libro. Tapos sa huli…… Mamaya na 'yun.

Pagkatapos ng talk nagkagulo ang lahat dahil may tatlong pinagpalang kaluluwa daw ang mabibigyan ng kopya ng 9th book ni B.O., basta magdala lang sa harap ng libro niya. First row ako, may dalang lirbo na pinirmahan pa ni KLARO… Ewan ko ba kung bakit di ako naka—takbo agad sa harap. Kulang nalang batukan ako ni Gary.

Pagkatapos ng talks ay meet and greet mode ulit. Na-meet ko si Mr. Budjette Tan at nagpapirma ng Trese. Pinangako ko sa sarili ko na ireregalo ko sa sarili ko yung buong series sa Pasko, kasama ng Filipino Heroes League.(Baka hindi na'ko makakauwi kung bibili pa ako ng libro.)

Natapos ang event at nagpaalam kame sa mga manunulat at organizers.

Umuwi kame sa bahay bitbit ang mga give-aways, libro, at astig na ala-ala ng araw na iyon.

“Lumayo ka man sa akin,
At ako’y iyong limutin,
Masakit man sa damdamin,
Pilit kong titiisin…

Pagkat saan ka man naroroon
Pintig ng puso ko’y para sa’yo
Naghihirap man ang aking damdamin
Nagmamahal parin sa’yo giliw
Limutin man kita’y di ko magawa
Hindi parin ako nagbabago
Ang pag-ibig ko sa’yo’y
Lagi mong kasama….”

Aminin, napakanta ka ‘din. ^_^

Eve: Primer

Coffee Shop I

It was in a coffee shop a few months ago, and it was over those obscenely overpriced sugary drinks that Eve spilled her story to me, calm as you please.
“I want to be called Eve, once you get around to writing that article of yours,” she said, smiling.

“Blogpost,” I corrected her automatically, sipping my vanilla frappe. “It’ll be published in my personal blog. Not much audience, just some people who’re bored enough to read the stupid things I write. You do realize that “Eve” has no sense of creativity, right?”

“Maybe, but who are you to judge what’s creative or not?” We laughed at that. “I like “Eve”, I think it’s the proper personification for women and sexuality in some idiot society’s opinion.”

I chuckle at the reference to my previous write-up. “Cursed out of paradise, and seen as the tempter of men?”

“Sakto,” she replied.

“Fine. Let’s get down to business then.” I took out my cell phone, used it as a recorder. “You’re all set.”

She stared at my cell phone gravely. I wondered if she was having second thoughts, if she was ready to tell her tale. After all, it’s not a happy story. For a second I doubted that she had enough conviction to stand for what she believed she should do. But she shifts her stare at me, her eyes overly bright.

Eve opened her mouth. And began.

The Transcription

My parents never talked about sex. I learned from media, from books, but most of what I know I got from experience. That way of learning is effective, although it was something I never signed up for.

The first time I was touched was when I was four, by a neighbor I used to play with. Our families were close, and I would almost always be found playing at his place with him and his siblings. He was a few years older than I was. The oldest kid in his family, actually. He gave me special attention in exchange for what I allowed him to do to me.

It was only later life that I realized that what I allowed him to do to me made me practically a slut-child. But seriously, I was fucking four years old. Shit if I knew what was going on. My parents sure as hell never told me. The molestation continued for about two years, and by then, I had enough sense to figure out that something was off about the situation.

I was also smart enough to not say anything about it though. I was honestly afraid that my “problem” would get in the way of our families’ friendship. It was an honest-to-God good intention, but hell’s paved with them, isn’t it? Also, I didn’t want my mother to think I was a whore. She looked as so many women as whores. You can imagine how she’d talk about a teenage girl in my neighborhood who’d hang around guys. I thought – I think – she’d look at me that way even I was young and stupid. Even though I didn’t initially know what the hell was going on.

The molestations stopped, eventually. I stopped playing at his house and focused on other stuff. Growing up stuff. I had a relatively “normal” elementary life. Normal in my terms. I didn’t go out to be Miss Popular or anything drastic, but I didn’t become a complete screw-up as well, thank God for small favors. I actually started to excel in school. I guess if you look at it, it’s a form of compensation. I started out with a fucked-up, and I didn’t want a fuck up the rest of my life. I wanted normalcy. In fact, I wanted to be better than others. You have to understand, I wasn’t a megalomaniac or anything like that. I wanted to be good at something because I thought that it’s harder to like me because I’m…well… me. I think it’s because I have this innate fear that since I was corrupted, I had nothing else to offer but my brains. But screw the psychology, I’m not here to self analyze.

My Dad died when I was in high school. My Mom was an emotional wreck. We were financially unstable. During those days, if you invited me to coffee. I’d have scoffed at you, Janina, possibly with the nasty thought that you were a rich bimbo who doesn’t care that there are students like me who don’t have money for tuition and who had to survive on fishball and palamig (at this point, Janina had to remind me that she had also survived on ten-pesos worth of lunch). Those are possibly the reason why when my Mom met him, she was… captured. Trapped.

She fell in love, my Mom, with a guy ten years her junior. Oh, he was kind and sweet at first. Most men are. He’d help out at home, drive me to school, take care of her when she’s depressed. He was addicted though, and there were fights. I’d wake up in the middle of the night and hear them screaming at each other. Curses, accusations, all that dramatic shit. I’d stare at my room’s door, hoping to God it doesn’t open and find him standing there with a bloody knife in his hand. I think he could have killed us both during one of those fights. My door had no lock. I only had prayers to keep that from happening. The screaming would die down eventually and I’d be able to sleep.

One night, I woke up and found that I couldn’t breathe. There was something heavy on top of me, and the sound of panting filled the room. And that smell. Like a drunk who hasn’t bathed in a while. I also remember the pain, down there, in between my legs, but it was the smell that smothered me.

“May condom ako, wag kang mag-alala,” he whispered.

I struggled and protested but he held me down. But it was my mother’s possible reaction that kept me from screaming. I knew how unstable she was. What would she say? Would she possibly kill herself if she found out that the man she loved was fucking her daughter? I had very little doubt.

It happened again and again for a space of over a year. It happened so many times I couldn’t keep count. Sometimes I’d be able to fight him off. My mother almost walked in on us several times, but it never happened. Whenever he didn’t get some, his temper would be at the peak, and there would be more conflict between him and my mom. His temper was catalyst to the goddamn friction. My open legs were his pacifier.

That, and my shut mouth.

Coffee Shop II

I stared at her as she paused to take a sip of her coffee. Eve related these events in an almost deadpan voice.

I blurted the first thing that came to my mind, “Didn’t you want to die?”
“I did,” she replied, offering me her wrist. I could barely make out the thin scars on them. “I tried the blade, but I guess I’m just too much of a coward to kill myself. I was already dead. You know those people who say that abortion is killing innocent life? It’s the same with rape. You get raped and it’s byebye innocent life. I was half dead, but I didn’t want to die completely. I was still pretty fucking naïve despite the nightly shit I went through. I thought perhaps it’ll get better.
“Did it?” I asked, half-afraid of her answer.

Eve smiled, painfully, beautifully. “Yes, it did. He stopped doing drugs. He still loved us after all. He stopped doing drugs, and he stopped his nightly visits to my room. My mom had a lock installed on my door, and I kept my door shut. It stopped. It got better. We all moved on.”

“I don’t fucking believe you,” I told her casually. “I don’t think you move on that easily. Not from something as sick as that. Forgive my mouth, Eve, but you’re a damn liar.”

Incredibly, she laughed. “Alright, alright,” she said, “I admit, I didn’t just move on. But I didn’t let it get in the way of my life. At least, not overtly. Some things about me are wrong. Inside, I’m all screwed up, but that’s no excuse to plow through life like a suicidal moron. I believed I had a future. I still believe that.” She paused and regarded me as though I were some fascinating new specimen. The fact that I was gaping at her like a stupid fish probably added to her amusement.
“Any other questions Janina?”

I shut my mouth and went back to business. “Why do you want to expose your story? You didn’t want your mom to know. You don’t want anyone to know.”

“I’m hidden by an alias, so I guess I’m relatively safe. My mother doesn’t do computer, so she’s probably not going to have the opportunity to freak and have a damned heart attack. Besides, my story is almost generic. Like a mushy teleserye. People might even think that you made me up just to have something to write about…” Eve tilted her head and answered my final question. “Why do I want to tell my story? For kicks! To help your blog earn some friggin’ followers, my friend.”

We both laughed at that.

“Seriously, why?” I pressed.

She answered slowly, as though choosing her words carefully, so as not to misrepresent her intentions. “Shit happens, but maybe, if people knew how and why it does, they’d be able to manage it better, you know? Especially this kind of thing. Happens all the time. Happens every fucking day actually…” She looked at me solemnly.

“I want people to understand.”

What a Nurse in Her Right Mind Would Tell You: The Physiologic Effects of Unplanned Pregnancy to Mother and Child

Reality check: Despite the claims and beliefs that pregnancy is a beautiful and wonder thing, it is also a traumatic experience, not just for the woman, but for the child as well. Unwanted or unplanned pregnancy increases the risk of complications, for a variety of reasons: the woman’s body, as vessel for the product of fornication, might be ill-prepared to carry the child; a woman’s heart may literally not be able to handle the stress of labor; or multiparity – in laymen’s terms, many pregnancies- might have had an effect on uterine integrity.

Some of these unprepared mothers are in the adolescent stage, are over 40 years old, or has had many pregnancies. Most of whom may have false perceptions about their bodies, and use ineffective family planning methods, possibly because of lack of knowledge. They face a variety of possible complications which endanger not only her life, but that of her child’s. Some are outlined here.

1. Pregnancy-Induced Hypertension (PIH)
Pregnant adolescents, women over the age 40 are at risk for PIH, and those who has had multiple pregnancies are at risk for PIH. Blood volume normally increases during pregnancy, and in this condition, there is an impaired ability of the blood vessels to adapt. Constriction of the blood vessels occur, causing decrease blood circulation and thus, decreased oxygenation to the vital part of a woman’s body. Another possible rationale for elder women with PIH is the lost of elasticity of their blood vessels. This can severely compromise the woman’s vital organs, and, as a medical measure for severe hypertension or eclampsia, the fetus is delivered preterm.

2. Iron-Deficiency Anemia
Young mothers, such as those who are still adolescents, are more prone to IDA, possibly because of their limited protein intake. During pregnancy, a mother must provide iron to her child to ensure optimal growth and development. An increase of iron intake is therefore required.
IDA results to the decrease production of red blood cells – oxygen carriers of the blood. This leads to a drop in the oxygenation of vital organs, and the very possible risk of oxygen starvation during and after labor, when the mother normally sheds about 500mL (normal spontaneous delivery) to 1,000mL (cesarean section) of blood.

3. Cephalopelvic Disproportion
Basically, when the head of the child cannot pass through the birthing canal because it is too big, this is called cephalopelvic disproportion. This most commonly occurs in women with small stature, or those who have yet to fully develop their birthing canals, such as that of girls starting puberty. This leads to difficult labor or dystocia, which causes undue stress to child, and might be resolved via Cesarean Section (CS).

4. Prolonged Labor
For a 40-year old first- timer in pregnancy, the so-called primipara, labor may be prolonged and difficult because cervical dilation may not happen as spontaneously as it does for younger women. This may be secondary to the decreased elasticity of cells. If the labor proceeds for too long, this might compromise fetal well-being, and thus, cesarean birth might be needed.

5. Post-partal hemorrhage
This refers to the excessive bleeding which occurs after the delivery of the child. The cause is the inability of the uterus to contract, to keep the blood vessels contracted, and consequently the blood inside. Adolescent pregnancy, pregnancy above the age of 40, and multiparity are risk factors for this.

Young mothers are prone to post-partal hemorrhage because their uterus may be underdeveloped. The over distention of the organ makes it harder for the uterus to contract, leading to further bleeding.

The reduced elasticity of an older woman’s uterine walls also lessens contraction.

A woman who is multipara will have a uterus that has been distended again and again that the elasticity is also affected.

6. Gestational Diabetes
During pregnancy, the hormone Human Placental Lactogen (HPL) is produced. This is an insulin-antagonist, and this hormone predisposes a woman to gestational diabetes. Women who are older than 30, and multiparity are risk factors for this.
Gestational diabetes causes low or high blood sugar levels for the mother, a predisposition for infections like moniliasis, and possibly dystocia, because of the baby’s large size.

A child born from a diabetic mother may be large for his or her age (more than 4000 grams), and might have low or high blood sugar levels. In worse cases, he or she might have intrauterine growth retardation, because the damage wrecked by DM on the mother’s blood vessels would effectively decrease the fetus’s oxygenation as well.


Achieved by sufficient and appropriate knowledge on family planning methods, the risk factors may be reduced, hence lowering a woman’s predisposition to these possible complications. Knowledge is the key to safer pregnancy – to secure the life of a mother, and the life of her child.

An after thought:
Amidst the supposedly intelligent and rational debate about the controversial Reproductive Health Bill, names have been thrown. Not so good words like, “devil,” “cursed,” and more colorful lexical equivalents of fire and brimstone are being associated with Pro-RH groups. So as not to be a hypocrite, this writer would admit that the opposition to the bill has received pretty nasty names as well.
As a supporter, I adhere to the brand that generally sums up why I am for the bill: Pro-Women. Although having read the provisions of the bill for health and education, I believe that the brand is insufficient. The bill, apart from intensifying maternal and child services, as well as sexual health, also protects the health of the fetus. Through its provisions for non-discriminate family planning, it prevents complications that might afflict the mother as well as the unborn child.

A/N: Apart from being a frustrated writer and a Catholic school graduate, Janina Santos is also a Registered Nurse. This article is inspired by Milk Dispenser.

References: Maternal and Child Health Nursing: Care of the Childbearing and Childrearing Family by Adelle Pilliteri, Ph.D, R.N., P.N.P.; Simply MCN by Jerome E. Balisnomo, R.N., M.A.N.

VAGINA: Say it three times, slowly, and with relish

People will probably throw you weird looks, flinch horribly, and think you’re a maniac.

The Pinoy society is apparently sensitive to the topic of sex and sexuality, treating it as taboo. Ironically, sensuous pictures are used in ads, prostitution is rampant, and the ordinary Juan’s mouth would spill something green, and sometimes down-right malicious- during the everyday tambay mode. It’s not just the drunk men on the sidewalk toma parties, either. College students. Professionals. Mothers with little children.

My problem is this: For heaven’s sakes, we blab about sex almost all the time, use it as topics for jokes, as trinkets on ads (that sometimes do not even make sense). Kids hear it. They see it on TV. Adolescents talk about it in school. Boys as young as twelve gossip about who’s got the biggest boobs, and that weird tingling sensation they get down there when they ‘accidentally’ touch them.

Not a big thing, right? It’s part of today’s society, like internet porn, jejemons, PNoy’s love life, and Willie Revillame. If it were, protesters might be storming the Congress as we speak, demanding laws against people with dirty mouths.

Then why is shedding light to sex, in a clear, rational, scientific way a problem?

Many people point out that sex education is the responsibility of the parents. True. Parents are, as the old saying goes, the first teachers.

Just a thought: Because of the apparent “sensitivity” of Filipinos to the topic of sex, parents very rarely speak to their children. There are no “the birds and the bees” conversations, just “Don’t get pregnant", or "I’ll kick your ass out of the house” proclamations. Or worse: “Sex is bad.”

You can’t deny that it happens. Perhaps not to you, if you’re lucky, but to most Pinoys, they learn about sex through three possible was: the biology book, the secret conversation with their peers, and through experience, willing or not.

These methods of learning are not exactly ideal, and the typical Pinoy parent is either too busy to talk sex, or is too embarrassed to do so. Even if they did have the time, their knowledge would be better supplemented by medical professionals who study these things intensively. Take into consideration that sexuality is not just about morality, it is also a great factor that affects social, emotional, and physiological well-being. Who spent years prying the functions of the human body for years? Doctors. Nurses. Health workers. I’ve still got my books to prove it.

“So go to an OB.” Easy enough to do. But if you are young, this simple step proves to be a challenge. Being in the stage of adolescence and at a lost about sexuality, and being distrustful of most adults (who probably most of which probably exude an air of distrust and suspiciousness), most teenagers opt to keep their questions to themselves. This is when the apparent “shame” gets in the way of information.

So first thing’s first: Remove the tags “devil”, “life will be ruined”, “evil” and “obscene” to the discussion of sexuality. Speak sensibly about it, especially to children, to teens, so that they will be able to talk about it, their concerns, about the things that confuse them. Doing this will result to better communication between child and parents.

Second step: Allow professional support. People from the medical profession genuinely want to help. In fact, it is our responsibility to do so. No one can deny that expert advice is an advantage in any situation. Allow well-trained teachers to supplement everyone with the know-how on how to be sexually healthy, not only physically, but in all aspects as well.

Open up, let the knowledge flow. Information leads and well-formed decisions, perhaps not all the time, but most of the time. And in this day and age, information (true or false) is widely available. Would you rather have hearsays or concrete facts and data?

Open up.

Begin by saying “vagina” slowly, three times, and with relish. I assure you, it’s liberating.

And to hell with what others think.

Reading Pinoy 1: Tales of the Fantastic

The time line of my obsession with the horror/fantasy genre started when I was very young. October was my favorite month – cable TV showed all the Pinoy horror classics, from Shake, Rattle and Roll to Tiyanak. I was a Manilyn Reynes fan girl, for the simple reason that she starred in all the scariest flicks. Fast forward to grade six. I had just discovered Harry Potter, and I starved myself for weeks, saving my PHP10.00 allowance just to save up enough money to buy The Sorcerer’s Stone. The price: PHP199.00. I had to beg money from my parents to fill in what my allowance couldn't.

I have always been a voracious reader, even as a child, but I think this began my reading craze. I became a regular at discount stores like Diplomat and Book Sale (the dude managing a branch of the latter in SM Sucat knew me by sight). I read everything that caught my fancy: classics, romance, thriller, horror. I built up a collection of almost a hundred books. But mostly, it’s horror/fantasy. I simply love the stuff. I completed the Harry Potter series, got acquainted with writers like Christopher Pike, Lois Duncan, and the like. I’ve met Clive Barker’s insane vocabulary, and equally insane and morbid plots. Despite this, I was pretty much a late bloomer – I only discovered Stephen King when I was in college (and had eagerly devoured more than twenty books he’s written); Neil Gaiman, even later. Tried Dean Koontz and John Saul, but I found myself bored with their stories. I also read Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight series, just for kicks, and found myself more hopeful that someday I too shall have the opportunity to be published.

I was pretty much well-acquainted with a handful of weird-fiction authors, but I only got wind of the local literary scene these past couple of years (as stupid as discovering Uncle Steve late). The problem is the notion that Pinoy writers are not as good as international ones when spinning tales of the weird and the wonderful. I was infected by this notion, until I got enough sense to pick up a book by a Pinoy (Bob Ong) which triggered a cataclysmic explosion in my head and made me realize what I was missing.

Let me tell you something: Pinoy fictionists, they’re pretty damn awesome.

But what about those who write for the genre that I’m obsessed with? What about Stephen King’s and Neil Gaiman’s Pinoy counterparts? Lucky for me, there are many writers of such literary genus, tale spinners of the weird and the wonderful, dark humor, and elegant eccentricity - writers of speculative fiction.
If you’re a fan of dark literature, of quirky and crazy stories or simply what-the-hell plots that are far from second class, then check out these books from some true-blue Pinoy writers. I promise you’ll be amazed.

Dean Francis Alfar’s The Kite of Stars and Other Stories. A first from one of the well-known writers of speculative fiction in the Philipines, this book is consist of sixteen stories of the fantastic. I particularly love the allusion of many stories to the Spanish conquest, and the many shades of Filipino culture found in the book. The stories wrap the mundane around the word of the wonderful in seamless narrative, that it is vivid and almost tangible.

Yvette Tan’s Waking the Dead and Other Horror Stories. This collection of short, delightful chillers start with the story of a girl, who is called by the Pasig River, and ends up a drowned saint. Step into Quiapo with a twist, in a weird celebration of drugs and dreams. These plots, plus a kapre, a tyanak and a beautiful and cruel first lady create an exquisite mixture of horror and the supernatural.

Bob Ong’s Mga Kaibigan ni Mama Susan. Still dripping with Bob Ong‘s crazy humor, this horror novella is a first. The character, a young man runs back home and finds the disturbing transformation of his old town, and his Lola who insists to be called “Mama Susan”.

Philippine Speculative Fiction. A get together of many writers featured in this article, Philippine Speculative Fiction is an anthology of collections of short stories. The tales range from hard-core horror, to fantastically written plots about fairy people, science fiction, and other worlds. All beautifully crafted, all a hundred percent satisfying. Yvette Tan and F.H. Batacan have been contributors. Dean Francis Alfar served as an editor of the series. His wife Nikki Alfar continues to work as editor for the collections.


David Hontiveros' Penumbra: Takod, Parman and Craving This series of novella from David Hontiveros comes out with a great intercourse of Western and Eastern culture, with a distinctive Pinoy taste. Packed full of action, mystery, and chills-down-the-spine horror, these stories are quite easy to read.

There you go. A list of books from my shelf, and a dash of fantasy with that distinct Pinoy flavor. If you’re a horror/fantasy./sci-fi geek like me, drop by the nearest book store and try one for yourself. What could be stopping you?

Let the words lead you by the hand, into the starlit darkness of speculative fiction.