From Dibuho (Saturday, October 20, 2012): Tula sa Ayala, First Time, at Mens

Pasulyap-sulyap ako sa langit,

sa ulap,

at iniisip ang iyong ngiti

tuwing binabaybay 

ang mga kalsadang

balot ng gabi.

At nais kong abutin ang ulap,

ang langit.

Nais kong hagkan 

ng aking mga labi.

Ngunit 'Di Ako Marunong Lumipad 

(AKA I Wanna Bash My Head Against the Wall

AKA Tula sa Ayala)

ni Janina Santos

Marunong daw ako magsulat ng sanaysay. Sa trabaho ko, kasama ang pagtuturo at pagda-dissect at pagsusulat ng essay. Introduction. Body. Conclusion. Topic Sentence. Thesis Statement. Kung anu-anung topic. Andyan na ang globalization, genetically-modified food, at kung anu-ano pang pinapasulat sa walang kamuang-muang na nangangarap mag-abroad. Forte ko nga raw. 

Pero matagal bago ko napagdesisyonan na subukan ang narrative essay. Eto na siguro yun. Sinusulat ko to dahil sa tatlong dahilan. Una: nahiya naman ako, nagsimula ako ng blog pero wala pang laman. Pangalawa: eksperimento, gusto kong tingnan kung may kwenta ba ako magsulat. Pangatlo: hinamon kame ng Bebang Wico Siy na subukan ang sanaysay nung WIT 2012. Ang tema: Your First Time.

Hebigat.  Hindi ko alam kung anung isusulat ko. Yung unang beses ko malaman na mahal ko pa ang mag-sulat. Yung unang beses kong basahin ang Literotika. Yung unang beses ko ma-realize na magpapaka-Gabriela Silang pala ako para ipagtanggol ang sino mang biktima ng rape at sexual harassment. 

Pinili ako sa unang legit na rally ko. Unang legit kase yung unang rally ko talaga e sa Ayala Alabang. Pinoprotesta namen yung condom ban nila. Naka-yellow na t-shirt ako, hawak hawak ang bandera ng RH Bill. Pero Ayala Alabang yun, demure kumbaga ang protesta. 

Yung initial info ko, care of another Pinoy writer, si Karl de Mesa, na pareho ko atang high blood ng mga panahong 'yun. 'Di ko lang alam kung kinailangan niyang mag-Catapress para bumaba ang BP. Sana hindi naman. Dahil OC ako sa oras, ni-research ko pa ulit at nalaman na dapat 8:30AM ay andun na. 

Mag-isa lang ako dahil may iba ng pupuntahan ang mga pwede kong kasama sa ganitong pag-kakataon pero dahil madaldal ako at makulit, nakipag-usap ako sa iilan-ilang mga lalaki bago yung rally. May bombero na raw. Bubugahan daw kame ng tubig pag nagkagulo. May pulis narin. Nag-aantay na mag-amok ang taong bayan sa labas ng korte. Pag nagkanda-leche-leche daw, takbo agad sa mall. Makihalo sa tayo.

Shit. Wala man lang akong dalang condom para ibalot ang cellphone ko.

Ilang pangyayari nung Black Tuesday sa Korte Suprema

Halos lahat kame nasa harapan ng supreme court nakaitim, sumisigaw nang magkakasama ng mga tao: No to Cybercrime Law! Exciting. May bombero at pulis talaga, may media coverage. Andun si Marlene Aguilar, naka-black na see-through na damit, pina-Fuck You ang mga binansagang tangang tao sa gobyerno. Andun ang iba't-ibang miyembro ng iba't-ibang sektor na gustong ibasura yung pinasang batas. Mainit. Hindi pala dapat nagme-make-up sa rally. Sa Alabang lang yun pwede. 

Matapang daw ako sabi ng mga kaibigan kong hindi 'sing sira-ulo ko, pero ang totoo, natakot akong itakwil ng mga magulang at kapatid ko pag nalaman nilang nagpapaka-aktibista ako. Baka daw mahuli ako. Baka mapagtripan. Baka masira ang kinabukasan kase may binabanggang matataas na tao. Kaya dahil magha-Halloween naman, gumawa narin ako ng maskara na maisusuot sa araw na yun. Anonymous supporter sa crowd ang drama, kumbaga.

Pero parang katangahan pala kung may ipag-lalaban ka, pero hindi mo naman kayang panindigan. Nung bandang tanghali, nakasukbit nalang yung maskara sa bag ko. Save it for the Halloween parties, if ever there is one.

Hindi rin talaga pwede magpaka-anon. Inatasan kase ako ng organisasyon ko na magbigay ng mensahe sa rally bilang kinatawan namin. So hindi pwedeng mag-mask. Kase hindi nalang ako ang nirerepresenta ko, kundi ang paniniwala at paninindigan ng grupo ko. Masarap pala magsalita at maki-isa sa mga taong pare-pareho ang pinaglalaban. 

Laking tuwa ko nung ibaba ng Supreme Court ang TRO. Pakiramdam ko, persona kong nakumbinsi ang Supreme Court na bigyan kame ng 120 na kalayaan. Keber sa make-up na tunaw. Keber sa kung magalit at itakwil ako ng pamilya ko.

Sa pagkakataong iyon, mas may kwenta ang buhay ko dahil may nagawa ako na hindi lang para sa sarili ko. Ang sarap ng pakiramdam.

Parang orgasm lang.

Sana ayos na kay Ate Bebang na nakasama dito yung assignment kong sanaysay ko tungkol sa first time. Pero kung gusto niya ng mas mahabang home-work, pwede rin naman. Promise, hindi after ten years. May isa pa kasi akong kwento: yung tungkol sa libro niya. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko pa tapos basahin. Kagabi, habang binabaybay ang Ayala sakay ng masikip na dyip, humahagikgik ako habang nagbabasa. Pinagtitinginan ako ng tao, per as usual wala akong pake. Hanggang kagabi at hanggang ngayon. Hindi ko parin tapos, pero kailangan tumigil dahil sa tawag ng kalikasan (ang magsulat)

It’s a Mens World. Noong una kong makita yung libro, akala ko nung una e hardcore na essays tungkol sa feminism. May pagka-ganun din naman, pero mas marami pa siyang sakop. Tapos nakilala ko pa si Ate Bebang at na-realize ko kung gano kabaliw na babae siya.

Kung trip mo matawa, pwedeng-pwede ang It’s a Mens World para sayo. Unang 50 na pahina palang, malamang masakit na ang tiyan mo. Light reading. Isang koleksyon ng narrative essay ng manunulat ang libro, tungkol sa iba’t-ibang aspeto ng buhay niya, tungkol sa mga kapatid niya, sa mga crush niya, sa pamilya. Sa mga pangyayaring nagsimulang madrama, natapos ng ka-pasawayan lang pala.

Kung tutuusin, mundane dapat yung laman. Pangyayari sa pang-araw-araw na buhay e. Hindi tulad ng iba kong binabasa – may sirena, may mga wasak ang utak sa droga, may post-apocalyptic world na puro aswang, manananggal, lamang-lupa, kapre at kung anu-ano pa.

Pero hindi ko mabitawan. Tawa ako ng tawa, tapos after five minutes humahagulgol naman ako. Parang timang lang.

Paminsan-minsan, yung kwento ng tunay na buhay pa talaga ang nakakabihag sayo. Bukod pa sa kung paano i-kinwento, yung tibay ng loob ng manunulat na magbahagi ng buhay niya, na ipa-imprenta yung mga napag-daan niya sa papel, na mababasa at malamang mapagtsismisan ng kung sinu-sinong tao. Sa tingin ko, yun yung bumihag sakin, at kung ba’t ang haba-haba ng kwento ko at ng It’s a Mens World.

Korni man sabihin, pero may puso yung libro. At saludo rin ako sa tapang ng manunulat.

Hindi ko pa natatapos itong librong to. Pero pagkatapos, malamang bibili ako ulit. Ipangreregalo ko, dun sa mahilig din magbasa. Kase dapat mas marami pang magbasa ng librong ‘to.

Pero para dun sa mapera, mura lang naman! PHP280 lang ‘to sa Powerbooks sa Greenbelt! Bili na!

Oo nga pala: first time ko lang din mag-basa ng libro ng sanaysay. So pwede narin bang pang first-time essay ito?#

From Dibuho ( Saturday, December 1, 2012): Excerps of Poetry, Mermaids, and the Love for Solitude

Sometimes, I think of you- 

amid the memory of the sand and the sea

and the moon in the cloudless sky.

Or when dreams are scarce

and night are sleepless.

Or when days are silent and sweet.

~ An excerpt, Poetry by the Water I

The dying day of November and the beginning of December were magical to me. After ages, I was finally able to just leave behind everything and have my much-deserved break. As much as possible, I kept very little contact with everyone. I took time to just be lazy, to think, to be quiet, to cry a little. It felt great. It felt wonderful.

Suddenly, I was in love with the feeling of being able to just get away. It was only for two days, but I don't think I'll ever be out of love for it ever again. The experience made me write two poems, excerpts of which I'm sharing along with this blog post. I don't think they're very good (makapal ang mukha ko, since I'm sharing them despite quality)- because, after all, my best poems come from me being intoxicated, suicidal, and emotionally fucked-up. What they have, though, are a kind of quiet loneliness, which, I  think, come from my unrequited passion for the solitude these two days gave me. The water, the sun, the sky, the stars at night. They were all so beautiful, but I'll never be able to have them. 

Eliza Victoria's book, A Bottle of Storm Clouds.
Art is by Naermyth author,  Karen Francisco.

It was no wonder that when my feet touched the coolness of the water, my first thought was that I wanted to be a mermaid. Water was such a powerful element, so vast and calming. I wanted nothing more than to just disappear in its arms. 

It was probably only fitting that, when I was not half asleep or thinking, or swimming, I was reading Eliza Victoria's A Bottle of Storm Clouds. This book is a collection of short stories published by Visprint. my friend Gary Mojica got this for me when he failed to gift me with Karl de Mesa's Damaged People. We got the book during Visprint's WIT 2012. I also got to meet Ms. Eliza, who was bubbly and pretty cool. She even signed the book for me. The book contained sixteen short stories in my favorite genre - speculative fiction. All of which are written in an almost poetic manner.

Before I actually met the author, I've already read one of her works in Philippine Speculative Fiction. It was a story called Monster. Honestly, I really did not pay attention to the writer's name, but what I found out was she has a thing for taking creatures of Philippine Mythology and spinning humanity into them. This is what caught made me re-read Monsterseveral times. It reminded me of another Filipino work I enjoyed - the indie film Yanggaw. In Eliza Victoria's world, even aswangs go online and surf the Internet. They work for a living. They party, drink beer, and do drugs. They fall in love. Not the typical portrayal in mainstream media that's alreadykaskas.

I remember Ms. Eliza wearing a cute dress and tights when I first saw her. I thought she was funny and girly. Her stories, however, are anything but. They remind me of twisted fairy tales. One particular story was An Abduction by Mermaids, which starts out with an apathetic guy working in a newspaper office. He gets a call from his mom who tells him that his sister has been abducted by mermaid. Guess what happens? Of course, the main character has to go on a quest, but it isn't a quest you'd be prepared for. It doesn't end with happily ever after either. It seems that none of Ms. Eliza's stories do. Actually, they don't seem to end at all. I guess I would never cease to wonder what would happen to David Cruz, whose sister was supposedly kidnapped by mermaids. Or how it was possible for all the dead of a small town to rise from the grave and live again. Or if business deals with gods and goddesses were really as brutal as Ms. Eliza portrayed. 

Truth be told, it was the second time I've read the book, but I couldn't really resist flipping through the 197-page volume again. It was so good that after the first time I read it. Ms. Eliza became one of my top 5 Filipina Writer Crush (more on that later). While I was by the water, I revisited some of my favorite stories. 

One story that struck me was Sugar Pi. It was about a high school math genius who dreamed of the last digits of pi, which is impossible, as pi is infinite. He shares his obsession about the infinite number to his best friend, who, despite not being in love with Math, begins to see the power in the number. I honestly thought that the math wiz would turn out to be an alien and that pi would predict the end of the world. The math-wiz-turned-alien and his best friend would figure out the puzzle of pi and save themselves from destruction. But Eliza Victoria fooled me again. The story ended with a prom and a confession - of how important pi is. The math-wiz's name is Vincent. After reading the story, I would have wanted to find him, maybe hug him for a bit. Just so he knows I also think pi is important. 

The characters in A Bottle of Storm Clouds are that real. You love them, fear them, admire them, pity them, cry for them. They evoke something out from you, they demand a reaction. For a brief, magical moment, the characters become so real to you that you can all but touch them. Although there are some characters you'd really not want to encounter, especially on moonless nights. 

My rants may not make sense. All I know is that I'm eternally thankful to Gary for sponsoring my book, but if he didn't I would have bought this one without a second thought. It won't even matter if I have to skip a meal or two. I'm definitely looking forward to other books by Ms. Eliza to be available in print. Next time I go on my getaway, I know exactly what reading material to take.#

If I can be here for, perhaps, a week, I think I'd be able to write a novel.^_^

My heart wrote a message

on the sand by moonlight

and by morning the sea

had taken it away.

But in monotonous repetition - 

each one a sharp and burning pain -

the sea responds into my dreamless sleep,

"It is what it is."

I wrote a message

on the sand by moonlight

for the moon and the stars to see

but all of it is futile and

so my heart has taken it back.

~An Excerpt, Poetry by the Water II

Three Things I Learned about Ebola

At the Philippine Health Bloggers Society, many of our members have a niche of some sort, even when we all talk about health. Raim, for instance, focuses on LGBTs whereas I tend to zero in on women's issues (and everything that comes into mind, since this is Codswallop). Drei, another nurse blogger, looks at health in many different perspectives. He is, in my opinion, the most knowledgeable in terms of the more hardcore aspects of medical science - like the Hermione Granger of nursing in our little band of Muggle healers. 

It was thus almost expected that when we got together yesterday afternoon for intellectual masturbation and coffee that Drei whipped out his laptop and gave me an impromptu lecture on Ebola, with Erick, another nurse, giving bits and pieces of info in between. Of course, I also did a bit of research on my own. 

Met up with co-bloggers and RH nurses at Starbucks Araneta for intellectual masturbation and lots of overpriced but tasty coffee products and pastries. Food c/o Raim and Erick. Fun c/o Drei and me!

Since I'm mostly focused on RH and women's rights, among other things, the lecture from Drei was quite informative. Here are tidbits of the stuff I learned:

1. Ebola has a maximum 21-day incubation period.

Incubation period is defined as the time from which a person is exposed to illness until signs and symptoms of the disease appears. Why is this important? In the Philippines, it is protocol to quarantine people who have been determined to come from countries where Ebola is known to be present. Within this 21 days, if signs and symptoms appear regardless of reason (such as other, less threatening infection), then this person is isolated to lessen the possibility of transmitting the virus. 

2. Ebola starts becoming contagious upon onset of signs and symptoms,usually fever.

Ebola is transmitted through direct contact with body fluids - blood, semen, saliva, and other secretions. This virus can also be transmitted through materials soaked with bodily fluids, such as bedding. Personal protective equipment such as gloves and gowns is a requirement when handling patients with Ebola. However, in its incubation period, Ebola is not contagious. 

3. Ebola does not have a pathognomonic sign and thus to determine if a person is really infected, lab tests must be done. 

A pathognomonic sign is a sign  or symptom specific to a certain disease. Since Ebola does NOT have this, lab tests such as the enzyme-linked imunosorbent assay (ELISA) are the best way to confirm if a person has Ebola.

Thank you, Drei, for the mini-lecture! Let's do it again!

For more information, check out the World Health Organization's fact sheet about Ebola.